Guess Who’s Coming for Dinner


I had a major announcement for the Kitty.

Me – I’ve got a surprise for you!

Kitty – stares into space, flicks tail

Me - Guess what!

Kitty - studies the wall

Finally I pick him up and get his attention.

Me – Okay. Guess What.

Kitty – You surpriseing me with the news that The Dog is going away forever and we’ll never see it again?

Me - No!

Kitty - You are changing my antibiotic flavored kibble?

Me – Your food hasn’t been antibiotic flavored in a week! Your new kibble is higher in allergens, didn’t you taste the difference? (pout)

Kitty – Yes I did. The new kibble is full of nummy anti-bacterial goodness. Do you hate me?

Me – The surprise is not food related

Kitty – Surprise!.Then why do I care? Dust Mote! Dust Mote!

Me – Stay Here! you should care because I care?

Kitty - But I don’t ! Moth! Moth!

Me – Own! Stop it. Sit still. We are going to have a visitor!

Kitty - Yes! The Moth! Let me Go!

Me – No! Later with the moth! We are going to have a visitor!

Kitty - It’s getting away!

Me – Topic! We are getting a house guest.

Kitty - Oh Gawd. Not that Other Dog again! It was just here. Does it not have a home? They have these things called “kennels”, take him there. I do not need another dog in my house. You know what? The dog that lives here all the time? I think that it would benefit from a kennel too.

Me – Not going to happen. Let the dream go. Live in the now.

Kitty – Right now I live in a kennel!

Me – You most certainly do not! It hasn’t smelled like a kennel in here since before Dogger was house trained! And you should talk – Poops in A Box!

Kitty – Topic?

Me - We are going to have a visitor. A cat visitor!

Kitty – You've managed to trick one of the one of the outside cats into coming inside? cats from the front yard?

Me – No they wouldn’t want to come inside. Did you know they hang around in the back yard too?

Kitty – Bastards! That is my yard. Gawd! You don’t let me go outside and all hell breaks lose! If I was able to patrol the yard, they wouldn’t be back there doing Gawd knows what!

Me – Dogger is in the yard sometimes.

Kitty – Do you think that the dog is some kind of deterrent? HA.

Me – People are plenty deterred by Dogger! She’s very deterrenty.

Kitty - to feral cats? Not hardly.

Me – ANYWAY.

Kitty – Feed me?

Me – Not right now.

Kitty - nudge, nudge, purrrrrrrr

Me – Mini Kitty is coming to stay with us.

Kitty – To stay with us?

Me – Yes!

Kitty - checking mental rolodex for alternative housing arrangements, finding none. Staying where?

Me – Here. With us, in this house. It’s going to be so much fun for the two of you! I’m going to put your box and your baby and water upstairs and you and Mini are going to be able to romp and have fun all weekend! Yay!

Kitty – Can I introduce Mini to the dog?

Me – No. You and Mini will be upstairs. I don’t think Mini and Dogger really need to meet.

Kitty – I had to meet Dogger.

Me – Dogger is your room mate and you could have a better relationship with her, I have seen pictures of Dogs and Cats being all friendly…

Kitty – You watch too much TV. That kind of stuff doesn’t happen in real life.

Me – No! I’ve seen pictures of cats and dogs being friendly. You can get along together.

Kitty – These pictures you've seen? are they outside of the funny pages?

Me – Yes! In real life! photographs.

Kitty – Photoshoped.

Me – Mini. You. Upstairs. Fun. Very little supervison. She is on her way.

Kitty - I could bunk with Dogger. We both have so much to learn about each other…