I went to what passes for a State Fair around here, if you actually have any past experience with a real State Fair, I went to the Elementary School Carnival of North Carolina.
Yes. The state fair is a carnival. And not a good carnival either. No freak shows save for the “Worlds’ Smallest Woman” and the whole side show experience could be summed up as “Petting Zoo”. I mean, who really has never seen a really large pig or a Clydesdale - wait, this is the NC State Carnival, Budweiser doesn’t send its horses, so maybe they never have seen a Clydesdale but still, Worlds Largest Horse? among the “Worlds Largest/Smallest” was a horse, a pig, a steer and a possibly lobotomized black bear.
Very sad. If you are going to be on the midway you should at least have the chance to be grossed out by something! That is why they sell all that food, I mean once the sight of the Worlds Largest Toe Nail has caused you to lose your turkey leg, you are going to want to refuel - they know that! They’ve done studies on how soon after a visit with Goiter Gal that you will be ready for another pig on a stick. Its all computerized now. The whole lack of freak show isn’t a sign that the carnival company whose running it this year is all PC either, they allowed booths by both the Sons of The Confederacy and The Republican Party - so the freaks were there, I was grossed out. If they want it to be a family activity, they should have put the sons behind a curtain. They did have a freak show, they just weren’t out on the midway.
And, even worse then no official freak show, there was no free stuff! How can they call themselves a State Fair with a clear conscience, when I wandered around there for three hours and ended up with no free stuff! I should have walked out of there with fifteen pounds of crap I will never use, my spine freashly realligned and warm with the knowlege my chakras are where they are supposed to be; and I should have been full to bursting with all the free peanuts, fudge, honey and Brunswick stew samples that they should have been forcing down my throat.
Further proof of what a rethuglican freak show it was, as I was looking for The Worlds Largest Pumpkin I ran into a recreation of the Oval Office that included card board cut outs of George II, George I, Cheney and Clinton and for five bucks you could get pictures of you and your loved ones embracing a card board image of the President of choice or if that wasn’t your deal, a photo of you in the Oval Office was also available.
If that wasn't enough, In this area you could buy post cards featuring 15 year old photos of George II and Cheney as well as enormous buttons ( they were the size of trivets!) with photos of all the past presidents, with a huge shot of George II in the center.
If Shrub isn’t your favorite totalitarian ruler, you could also check out Ronny’s limo circa 1983. For the ladies, they had gowns worn by Dolly Madison and Jackie O, neither looked real, and for the kiddos they had stuffed replicas of Air force 1 and Marine 1 for sale, also that didn’t look real.
I did finally find the Worlds Largest Pumpkin and an display of Ag products
and after a huge search, the farm animals!
I was afraid these yahoos threw a State Carnival had forgoten about the animals. I was getting worried after the only meat products I could smell were on sticks. Once I did find them I was a little disappointed. They only had three or four different kinds of Cow! And not even that much choice of goat and only one kind of pig! I did get to hold a baby duck though and that made me happy, I may end up with some sort of farm animal byproduct based lower GI complaint, but I did get to play with a baby duck, it will be worth it.
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