I was innocently walking through my living/dinning room on Wednesday and saw
I stood there and said "Hmmm. I really need to do something about the spider webs around here. I closed my eyes and looked again.
And then I lost my shit.
I went outside to check if maybe during the day a car had lost control and ran through the neighbors yard and through my fence and into my house. Nope, no signs of a hit and run. I went to the basement to see if perhaps the house was collapsing. Fortunately, no signs of imminent collapse there either. The damage seems isolated to my dinning room wall.
I did the only thing I could think of at that point. I called my Daddy for help.
Me – OMG THE SKY IS FALLING THERE IS SUDDENLY A CRACK IN THE WALL IT’S LIKE 4 IN CHES WIDE and SIX FEET LONG, OMG I could totally fall through it!!!!
Daddy – You could fall through it?
ME – If I got up on a chair and I were leaning against the wall…THE SKY IS FALLING!
Daddy - It’s fine. It’s a 50 year old house. Things like this happen, we’ll fix it, don’t worry about it.
Me – DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT? IT WASN’T THERE THIS MORNING!!!! THINGS LIKE THIS DON’T JUST HAPPEN!!! OMG ITS IS SO NOT FINE!! It’s like four feet long and two inches wide! And it wasn’t there yesterday!!! OMG!! The Kitty has been freaking out and this is why! He could hear the house imploding!!
Daddy – It’s fine. Cover it up with yellow paper if it bothers you. It’s okay.
Me – What?
Daddy - Yes.
Me - NO IT IS NOT OKAY!!I AM NOT DOING THAT!! THE SKY IS FALLING AND OMG! What if it was an earthquake! OMG! It hasn’t rained in forever and the soil is giving way and the house is SINKING!!
Daddy – It’s fine.
Me - THE SKY IS FALLING!!!.
Daddy – Talk to your Mother.
So. Not calmed down in the least, I took pictures for posterity. Or so when I come home and can see daylight, I’ll be able to proudly stand back and say “Look how it has grown” – the good news is, it is going to rain and the crack might “heal” itself, or, it could turn into a Hell Mouth.
The yellow paper idea is not helping and I ran out of post it notes and that was very traumatic and don't suggest yellow legal pad paper because it's nopt a solid color like the wall. It matters! I'm coming from an "OMG! THE SKY IS FALLING!!" place. Besides, it’s making me think of the short story and that is not helping my mental status re: The Hell Mouth opening up in my Dinning Room, in the least.
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