As Seen On TV

This weekend while I’m not watching the Pandacam – dial up sucks yo – I am going to be: Raking the yard, getting the tree out of the attic and into the living room, dealing with the outside light situation, shopping and generally decking the halls as well as starting this years dog cookie baking. I should be able to get everything done if I develop a meth habit and an extra pair of hands.

I not only got both trees out of the attic, I got them put together, lit, and garlanded. I did cheat a little and went out and got new lights and garlands.

It is just not worth the frustration to me to mess with old lights and ancient garland - last year I put them, away with great care and in a neat and efficient manner, life is too short to waste any of it struggling with old lights and frayed garland. I had been hanging on to old, old, old garland that I was having to tie together for the last couple of years - this is dumb, they invented Big Lotts for a reason I learned that for $1.99 I could buy new light strands and for $2.50 I could buy enough new garland to festoon the whole front of the house as well as bring the Christmas Spirit to the drug dealer as well. While I was wandering around Poverty Barn, I also found a suitably cheap seasonal table cloth for the dinning room table!

I went home and after I finished bringing Christmas spirit to my dinning room, I arranged my multitude of Santa figurines over every flat surface not all ready covered by a creche’ set. It took me a while to see that I was collecting Santas, I had no idea I had amassed enough to constitute a collection. But now I have all the Santas and I want more.

After I had brought the Christmas spirit to the interior of the house, I took on the outside. I arranged the two strands of out door lights (Thank you Shrub for bringing us a two strand economy you bastard!) I put the absolutely fabulous tomato brace tree in place and while I was outside I raked the front yard. After I ate lunch I brought down umpteen boxes of tree trimming and took back upstairs the empty boxes - after I The Kitty emptied out the tree box all over the floor - Thanks to him and my rapidly ageing fake tree, I can do a soft shoe anywhere in the house! Yay.

The house looked good from the outside but I noticed with the curtains open you could see the mantel and it looked bare and dark. I went back to the attic and went through my many boxes of strings of light until I found a white net light with about two thirds of the lights not working - this was ideal! I added the lights to the excising fake greenery on the mantel and now the house looks awesome inside and out! When I turn on my fake fireplace it makes the whole scene look like the back drop to an As Seen On TV Not Available In Stores Order Now! Christmas Music ad. I love it.

After all that I got to work making dog cookies. Two batches.

I tried to stay up and watch SNL but I don’t remember much about it. Who is Dane Cook and why was he hosting? And whatever deeply sensitive singer song writer guy they had as a musical guest was like musical laudanum. I don’t think he was supposed to be performing lullabies.

So. I got everything done on my list with out developing a meth habit or growing a second set of arms. I also got my laundry done, did a little Christmas shopping and made it to Mass.