Health Fare

I was going to go to the annual employee health fair. I got up, put on my coat and left the building. I even walked to where the health fair was supposed to be held.

I like fairs and I like health and I like to believe that I am fairly healthy amd I like to think that this is in part to my yearly visits to them. I mean if you hit enough health fairs you can keep a pretty good eye on your various vital signs and if you find a partially fancy health fair you can watch your cholesterol as well. And the best part? They are free.

You do have to deal with the Fair part though. There are all these tangentially health related pseudo “health care” providers that you have to fight your way through to get to the actual health care providers – usually office workers from whatever insurance company is hosting the fair. The real nurses, if there are any in attendances, are outside smoking between their sitting at insurance company booths handing out magnets and pens shifts. It’s okay though, I would rather have a cheerful, non-smoking office aid remind me happily that smoking is bad than have a nurse in the midst of a nic fit, monotones me the anti- smoking rap while she digs through her purse for her lighter. Also, I don’t smoke.

The last time I went to one of these the state kindly located it so far away from the campus that I had to blow my lunch hour to attend. How can it be healthy to force all those state workers to not eat lunch? Lunch is important. Important but not more important than making sure we all spent as much time as possible wedged into chiropractors booths and magnetic bracelet displays on our way to get our body mass index checked out on our way to the free apples.

Anyway. I walked over to the alleged location of this year fair. I walked all the way there. I mean, I didn’t have to either. I could have driven but no, I was being healthy in preparation for the health fair. I was on my way when I thought to myself what time does this thing get over? What time is it now?, I assured myself that it wasn't over until at least three and it was not that late yet. It was two. And then I said to myself : wasn’t there supposed to be some sort of group walk thing at 2pm? I wonder where they all are. I don’t want to be in the way of that. I mean, a whole flock of state employees bearing down on you could be dangerous. The centrifugal force alone would be deadly. I need to move out of the street..

But there were no roving flocks of state employees. I thought I read FREE on a poster for the fair. State Employees really come out for FREE. If they were giving away FREE euthanasia we would line up for it. I saw no state employees.

This wasn’t looking good for the health fair. But I kept going. I found the place where I was pretty sure the poster had said it would be. I was pretty sure. More or less, it didn’t matter - The doors were locked.

Then I said screw it. I’m going back to work. I don’t know where the stupid fair is being held and now I don’t care. Humph. Obliviously a last years was so sucky that no one took the bait this year. They over salted with chiropractors and this year nobody went. Humph. I went back to the office.

The health fair is next week.