Old, Old, Old

I am so old. I had the chance to go see a band play over the weekend and I totally turned it down, nothing against the band, but they weren’t even scheduled to come on until midnight! Do you know how late that is?

I did think about it, for about a second, and then I thought about the next morning, that would come so quickly after the night before and I knew I couldn’t do it. Later, after I said No, I thought more about it. I said to myself Stop being such an old fuddy duddy! It’s Saturday night! You don’t have to be up at the crack of dawn Sunday morning! You can do this! Come on, it’ll be fun! You did this kind of thing all the time at school! Gawd, parties didn’t even get started until 11pm! and then I started thinking about what I would wear to this midnight concert, But dayum. I don’t know. What do people where to clubs these days? I doubt they wear a lot of blazers and slacks and I’m pretty sure “relaxed fit” is not part of the average club goer’s wardrobe. I would imagine that tasteful hoop earrings would also not fit in. Don’t they require glow sticks and marabou feathers for entrance these days?

In my day we had to do with out glow sticks, in my day it was all about spandex and darkness. If you really need to wear a glow stick around your neck to light people the way to your tits - you're dumber than the guy in the maraboo feathers you're trying to bring in for a landing.

We also invented house music - which sucked as much then as it does now, by the way, I was forced long ago to listen to house while hung over, and I think it made the hang over longer than it should have and this was back when I healed much faster than I do today. I’ve never forgiven the genre for the quick trip to Mythirtiesland.

We also invented stupid tats in stupid places. We were stupid before it was “stupid” to be stupid. The only things I have pierced are my ears – but I had those done in elementary school, not sophomore year over srping break to piss off my parents. I’m pretty sure that today piercings don’t count unless the placement puts your future employability at risk. I suppose for the tat requirement, I could have stenciled something edgy on my arms…

I can just see me surrounded by Ex or Red Bulled fueled young hipsters, or Cheer Wine fueled whatever passes for hipster in this backwater, and I still think I would not compare favorably, not outfitted with my cold war era pre irony soviet flag pin and my neon ear plugs. I think I would just look old and I doubt the sweet young things would be impressed that I rememeber when Bono was just a rock god.

I didn’t go. These days the only way I wear spandex anymore is under my clothes and I would also need more than one day to get over being up and around at 2am. You know you’re old when you rate a good weekend by how many of your chores you got done.

Q - How was your weekend?

A - Oh, it was great! I got the laundry done, washed the car, vacuumed the house, called the guy about the driveway, washed the dog and went to the store – that was on Saturday, on Sunday I was really busy!

Sigh.