Kvetching for Gold


So tired. So stupid to stay up and watch the skaters. So stupid to stay up watching the skaters when I all ready knew the outcome.

So not smart.

So now, so tired.

I keep up with the medal counts, some would say “Obsessively” others like myself would say “shut up”, so why bother keeping my self up later watching the contests when I all ready know the results? Because I want to see what they are wearing!

I want to know if the costumes were outrageously awful or only Project Runway style awful. I mean there is a wide variety of awful skating costumes out there and I want to see all of them. All the varieties of awful. I can’t skate, ski, curl or anything else they do at the games but I can criticize the clothing they wear when they are doing all those things I can’t do. Those who can, do, those who can’t, criticize.

For example, I don’t understand ice dancing and why it isn’t the same as just pairs skating – other than the pairs skaters wear better costumes and the ice dancers costumes all looked like they picked them up at a discount from an road show off brand ice capades. Is it a JV v. Varsity thing? If you skate really, really well you can be a pairs? But if you only skate well you have to be am ice dancer?

The men skaters in the ice dancing seem to get better costumes, but only for one dance, they wore something that looked like tuxes then they went back to looking like they got their costumes from an off brand road show ice capades. The men's singles also have no taste, why must they try to dress like swans? Or road signs? What’s wrong with a little lack of creativity? How about not wearing your inner thoughts! Johnny Weir? You’re here! You’re queer! Get Over It! Gawd. Put on a nice spandex tux and shut up.

The women-girls are a little bit better dressed in the woman’s singles, not a whole lot but better over all. They showed a little more restraint with the be-dazzler and the illusion fabric. I thought I liked the wearing pants thing but they wear cat suits and I can’t say that is a good look for people with enormous thighs. I formally changed my mind on the whole costume thing: I want them in traditional ice skating outfits with little flippy skirts and I vote against the body suit thing. The girls in body suits have the same problem as the men: the bedazzling just doesn’t look right and they want to bedazzle the ass and no one needs to see an ice skater with a bedazzled ass, male or female.

Other Olympic gripes. I don’t care for Davis the speed skater either. I am tired of him and his poor sportsmanship and I want him to go away. He and the other guy, Lewis, behaved like asshats the other day at some press conference and now they both need to go away. Far away. Dan Jansen wasn’t a diva and I can’t think of another US speed skater off the top of my head, but I’m pretty sure that diva behavior doesn’t run in the sport. The other skaters showed up and and won, or didn't - whatever the outcome, they didn't whine about it or snark at their team mates.

And big bummer that Bodie turned out to be a nonstarter. They really need to do a better job of figuring out to over hype. It’s like a curse; the more they pre-hype the more the hype-y winds up a big zero. Maybe they should just wait to see who is performing well and then start to over hype them, let them win something before they curse them.

Another gripe.

I want to be able to tell what country whoever it is that is doing whatever it is playing for. I would like to see standard universal patterns or colors or something on what the athletes are wearing that could allow me to tell at a glance that the down hill skier/ice dancer/skeleton/ luger is from Austria or Norway or Canada or where ever. If a uniform is too uniform, how about slapping their flag on a bib or something? A uniform would go a long way to removing the neon and the bedazzler and the cariboo feather nonsense. If they are supposed to be athletes, it would be a nice start to make them dress like athlete's.