Bunny Rabbit Bizness

IT'S BUNNY TIME AGAIN!!!

It's time for our Annual Bunny Drive. We're on year number THIRTEEN! Last year we collected 1,229 bunnies, chicks, lambs and other furry friends. They were distributed to area hospital's pediatric and geriatric wards residential centers and nursing homes during the Easter holiday.

Bunny Due Date is: Monday, April 10, 2006

Please Note: Per Hospital Policy all bunnies must be new and the tags and labels should be left on the bunnies. Please share this message with anyone you think would like to participate in this project.

Thank you very much for your bunny contribution.

And then a week later:

I know that you all received this message from REDACTED last week but I wanted to send it again to let you know how important this years bunny collection is to me personally.As you know, each year bunnies are collected and given to children in the area hospitals but what everybody does not know is that REDACTED and I are trying to see who can collect the most bunnies this year. And if I lose, I think I have to buy her lunch and you just can't imagine what that will COST me!!! So please bring me a bunny before April 10th and hopefully she will have to buy me that lunch.
Thanks to everybody that has already brought bunnies.

Sigh. I really do need to get on this. I’ve done a little looking around but I haven’t found The Bunny. There can be only one bunny and so far, the little bastard has eluded me. And it’s not like stuffed bunnies are hard to find this time of year, pretty much every place worth their cash register has a collection of stuffed bunnies for sale. I could have settled for “a” bunny many, many, many times over and have all ready been done with all this but No. I am looking for the one true bunny and I will not be swayed by quantity over quality. This bunny has to be perfect.

It would also be nice if it could be a color found in nature. Most of the stuffed rabbits I have seen so far are pastel. Real rabbits are not pastel. A pastel rabbit out wandering around in the grass would get eaten by a realistically hued hawk inside of a second – if there were realistically hued hawks in a world that would produce pink rabbits. Maybe in Pink Bunny World hawks are lavender or have rainbows printed on their little lavender hawk “chests”. Do hawks have chests? Have I watched too many Disney movies where the hawks are wearing golf shirts and have the capacity to speak? As well as play a few rounds of golf with green bears. I may also be thinking of The Care Bears where I think every creature up to an including velerapters were created in shades of pink, lavender and baby blue.

And in addition to my fur color rule issues I have other rules too:

1. There must not be wire in the bunny ears.
2. There must not be ribbon around the bunny neck
3. The bunny must not be in any pose that suggests prayer.
4. The bunny must not have buttons, flowers, baskets or anything else that could conceivable be swallowed, stuffed or used as a weapon. See #1.
5. The bunny must not have a stated gender.
6. The bunny must not be “patriotic” – no flags, crests or badges.
7. The bunny must be self supporting – no flopping.
8. The bunny must be of standard size. No miniatures no bunnies of carnival proportions.
9. The bunny must not be selling anything - no candy, no creed no NASCAR.

So you see, it can be hard to find the one true bunny. And then I have to remind myself that I am not buying this bunny for me, I am buying this bunny for someone else, someone else who may not have the same bunny issues that I have. There may very well be a resident in a nursing home or a child in a hospital that really, really wants a pro-war Bunny in red, white, and blue camo? Or a NASCAR themed Bunny and who am I to put my taste before theirs? Who am I anyway to insist that the only appropriate bunny for any one to have is earth toned and with out a stated religious preference or a stance on aspects of our countries foreign relations? I could be being kind of a bitch about this. Who am I to force my world view on other people? Is it possible to force your world view on some one else vis a vis a stuffed bunny?