Nature doesn’t buy airtime

My first thoughts this morning were “Why are the Good Neighbors making so much noise? Are they moving? Why are they moving in the middle of the night? They own that place. Maybe they are starting a remodeling project? At 5:50am? and then, Maybe something blew up? Is blowing up? Do things blow up in slow motion? And finally, What is Dogger growling at? Is that Dogger? Wow, she has a great growl. I should record that and sell it to single girls as a low end security devise. and finally, I hope that is the cats running up and down the stairs and not that they somehow got into the attic and are running around in the walls. Because that would suck. It would be murder to get them out of there.” I didn’t get up to actually investigate any of these theories, I wasn’t that awake yet and a quick check of the clock let me know that I was going to be up soon anyway and I didn’t want to ruin my alarm clocks daily moment of glory.

My alarm went off and forced me into realityland.

It turned out in realityland that it was not to be Dogger growling or the cats chasing each other inside the walls or the Good Neighbors attempting to slip out in the dark or remodel their kitchen. It was thunder. It has been so long since I have heard thunder I had to come up with a series of increasingly stupid explanations for what I was hearing.

We used to get huge thunderstorms in Dallas. Huge! We don’t get them here anywhere near as much. It’s a pity, a good, loud thunderstorm can be very entertaining – because usually any good, loud thunderstorm knocks out your power and takes out the phones and really limits your access to entertainment. Electric storms take away your electronic entertainment and show you how entertaining sheer electricity can be while also reminding you again, why you should not to stick that fork in the outlet. Gawds own PSA.

The Cats. The cats spent the night chasing each other and ignoring me. Which was good because it was too damn hot to be wearing a cat hat or needing a cat pelt for warmth. Mini Kitty rested up all day so she would be able to more effectively torment The Kitty all night long. Mini just pays there like a ,um, like, a, uh, like one of those nasty, poisonous ocean creatures that lay flat on the sea floor and wait for some poor bastard to step on them? Yeah. Like one of those Mini would do well as some sort of poisonous creature of the deep. She would have ideal camouflage – her fuzzy, fluffy fur makes her appear to be a practically adorable house cat when in reality she is predatory ocean creature who lies on the bottom of the sea waiting for some poor bastard to step on her. She is no nasty and predatory she doesn’t even need to be under water. She wears some sort of fluffy, evil, life support tanks attached to her fur somehow.

She is even set up so that she doesn’t have to wait for some poor bastard to step on her to unleash her evol. She has it so that all you have to do is walk past her and she can nail you with her evol. She is talented and highly evolved. There she is, an evil under sea creature who has over the millennia developed into a house cat, in order to both fool what few predators she does have (radioactive Sharks in the service of some shawdowy paramilitary force controlled by a nephew of Donald Rummsfeld) and better spread her evol over a wide area. Let the creationist explain that.