Fun with TMI

Wanna feel real bright? Take your hair squishy out and then lose your hair squishy in the crap on your desk. I took mine out because my hair got tired… yes, my hair got tired. Hair can get tired! I took the squishy out and then when I was ready to go back to my copy machine master, I couldn’t find my hair squishy! I can’t stand there in front of my copy machine master with my hair down! I had to spend valuable work time away from the copy machine wandering around my office trying to find said hair squishy when I could have been standing in front of the copy machine some more, because you know I really, really, really want to spend even more time standing in front of the copy machine because my life is just not worth living if it is not spent standing in front of the copy machine - but instead I had to go searching for my hair squishy, which actually was never more than four inches away from me at any time.

I finally found my hair squishy but it was a real squeaker there for a while. I had to ask myself “When did I take it out? Was I in my office or was I still at the machine? Did I leave it somewhere?!It was stressful. It turned out that it was right there in front of me camouflaged by some happy meal toys. When I think about it, I may also have too many happy meal toys when it is possible to lose a hair squishy in them.

Because I can I am going to share with you some Fun with TMI theatre.

Our first scene is at the Burger King. I am enjoying my lunch and reading my book. It has come to a very exciting part - the female protagonist is getting ready to shoot the bad guy for having a penis – and I hear what I think is “Man, Man”. I ignore this because, well, “man” is not my name and I don’t really want to get into conversations with the other diners. I want to eat my lunch and read my escapist feminist empowerment thriller.

Anyway. “Man” was really “Ma'am”. I also ignore “Ma'am because it makes me feel old.

Okay. I finally look up. There is a woman seated at I will loosely call a “table” near me and she wants me to do her a favor. I want to become invisible or fall through the floor – neither of these things happens, also, the rapture did not occur. Damn.

The woman wants me to “Look at my ass and tell me if anything shows, you know, should I go to the bathroom?”, She walks away. I look at her ass. I feel need for brain bleach. I won’t share with you the outcome because I am a nice person. Also? Ew. In my mind, if you find your self having a “Should I or Should Not I Go To The Bathroom” moment, you don't ask for input from strangers, you JUST GO TO THE BATHROOM. Don’t ask for second opinions! And please Gawd don’t ask for MINE!

Our second and final scene was at work. I was at the copy machine as I always am and the secretaries were talking. They talk all the time. I got to hear in detail all about a camping trip one of them went on with her husband their dog and another couple. They had beans with dinner. Her husband really should not eat beans. They gave the left over beans to the dog. They all slept in the same tent. There are things I don’t want to know about other people. I was scarred.