Thank you for your years of service! have a pen?

This was in my box today:

To - DFS Employees
From - Personnel
Date - August 22, 2006
Subject - Service Award Catalog

Enclosed is you award packet for your service award. In order for your service award to be shipped in time for the award ceremony in September, you must complete the Order Form and return the form to Personnel Office no Later than September 1st . If necessary, you make fax the form to 919 555-1234.

Should you have any questions, please email me at or call me at.

Thank you!


Behind that. A letter from The Man. The best known state employee of them all:

Dear State Employee,

I want to congratulate you on this important anniversary

Yes, five years. Five long years. What is the Fifth Anniversary? what do you get your loved one for their fifth anniversery? According to How to .com it’s Clocks and Wood . Five years of you life and clocks and wood?, Love ya honey! Here have a clock for the mantel!



I’m not sure if you can read that, let me help. I want to share the joy.

In recognition of you dedication and accomplishments, a selection of service awards has been made available:

1. Six piece knife set, state logo engraved on brass plate.
(do they really want to arm us? is that really a good idea? work place violence the way it is? are they trying to tell us something?)
2.Polished silver frame
(pictured with a photo of Michael Dukakis,I swear to Gawd)
3. Covered crystal dish. Features a die struck emblem
(how pwretty, and also, weapon-like)
4. Chrome ball point pen, with a die struck emblem on the pen clip.
Five years of service for a pen? a ball point pen?)
5. Coaster set, with emblem.
(My favorite. Also? excellent weapon and something neither animal can eat or distroy)
6. Lock back knife with emblem
(again with the weaponry. What is it with wanting to arm us?)
7.Dura Hyde wallet, with silk screened emblem
(I belong to People for the Ethical treatment of Dura's and I must protest the killing of innocent Dura's!)
8. Polyester cooler with silk screened emblem
(If it came in a color, maybe)
9. ‘56 arc umbrella with silk screen emblem
( too leaveable)
10. Tie clip with emblem
(Too loseable)
11.Gold filled charm WITH EMBLEM
(too charming)

There is a theme.

I have to decided what I don’t want. I don’t need knives, steak or switch folding, I would lose a pen, I don’t need a picture of Michael Dukakis, Kitty would shatter the “crystal” two minutes after I brought it home. I don’t want any dura hyde anything, with or without a silk screened state emblem.

How about the coasters? Unbreakable, useful and with the state emblem. I all have a set a lot like these but WITHOUT THE STATE EMBLEM! How have I survived?! Kitty can’t eat them and Dogger wouldn’t be able to chew them up.

The Gov. Goes on:

I am hopeful that the award you choose will serve as a reminder of our States appreciation for your tireless commitment to making life better for all North Carolinians. I trust this award will bring you personal enjoyment and adequately symbolize our sincere appreciation for your dedication to excellence.

I encourage you to continue to strive to make the state the best it can be. Together we can build one North Carolina where every community matters....

Blah. Blah. At my last job all we got for our tireless commitment was "well paid."