Wuss

Gawd its hot. It’s still hot. Don’t let reports of some sort of mythic break in the weather fool you, no one opened November early, it’s still August. The people in New York have stopped carping about the heat, but that’s only because they all finally got their power back and now, cooled down a little, they have moved on to other things to carp about, like opposite side of the street parking or whatever it is that they bitch about when their A/C works.

I’m still hot. I am such a hot weather wuss now. I was such a stud before, my blood was like water before I got here and now all of a sudden my veins are full of jam. I’m from Texas damn it! I shouldn’t notice hot weather until the rubber on my flip flops started to adhere to the pavement and then I wouldn't care.

The news here has been bitching about the all important Heat Index and being such little old ladies about it. Yes, the heat index was to be 104, and the real temperature was like, 99, okay. Talk to me when the actual temperature is 104. I remember driving to work at 7am and the temp all ready being 91 - that being the low for the day and it wasn't a big deal and nobody cared. Raleigh would have a red bar across the bottom of every TV screen warning us it was going to be Hot and giving us tips to not die.

I'm so hot. I think it’s like what happens when you stop drinking. While you are regularly getting plastered you develop a tolerance. It’s something to be proud of ( in a really, sick, juvenile way, of course) , the more you get drunk the more you have to drink to get drunk. When you start a couple of wine coolers will have you clinging to the bed to escape the bed spins, a few months later you would have to drink your body weight to get the same effect. No one wants the bed spins but you want to enjoy yourself on the way to them. A couple of wine coolers is hardly enjoying yourself.

I used to have a monster heat tolerance. I could have walked on the sun, and I think I did one time taking my trash to the dumpster one day, and it was fine. It was hot, but I was, um, cool with it because after all, I was a champ, I was experienced in the ways of the heat. Heat was just one of those things you deal with, stay inside, don’t move around much, drink water, don’t go outside ever. It was a dry heat, which some how is supposed to be better. It’s not. It’s like walking into your oven and inhaling. The heat is always around you and in my memory the wind was always blowing that heat at you. There were no cool breezes. It was just very, very, very hot and it would stay that way until it was very, very, very cold - which when you are acclimatized to 104 degree weather “very cold” can be 40 degrees.

In really hot weather, every time you go outside all the fluid in your body feels as though it has evaporated. You just get used to it. No one talks about it, it's just the way it is. It would be like bitching about the cold in the antarctic .

Now, however. I’m hot. I’m hot all the time and I don’t like it. If I called my friends in Dallas and whined about the awful 92 degree weather we are enduring , I’m pretty sure they would hang up on me or not hang up but laugh so hard they would pass out. So. I won’t be calling them. It’s too hot to be laughed at for being a weather wuss. I’ll save my weather sympathy calls for we have snow on the ground, snow terrifies them.