Ew.

I had to go run an errand during work today – I am the only person in the building who can go get ice, it’s a fact. There isn’t a single person employed in this building that can grab the cooler and drive to the building where the ice machine lives and go to the ice machine and successfully transfer ice from the machine to the cooler. Gawds honest truth. Anyway. I put the cooler in the van and got into the van and was assaulted by the worst smell ever... Satan's breath, I swear to Gawd. George Bush should know this smell.

The public was expecting their diet Mountain Dew to be on the rocks and ice waits for no woman. So I opened the van windows and got on my way and tried to breath through my mouth. The odor was so bad it was leeching into my body through my ears and I was like “Where is it! What is it?” I’m pretty sure I know what it was, it smelled like crap. Animal crap. Maybe dog maybe cat but it wasn’t there when I left for work because even at that hour my sense of smell is turned on and it is not an odor you fail to notice, you could be born without a nose and the watering eyes and nausea would to give it away. It was however, cooler this morning than it was at lunch and that could have played a part.

So I’m thinking. Did Dogger do this? I left her in the car while I went into the store after we had been at the park last night, but we were at the park for a while and she usually does her thing outside and in addition I had taken her for a walk prior to our trip to the park and I really did not see how she could possible have anything left to deposit in the car. She peed in the car once, but I think that was an accident and it could be argued I could have prevented it had I not been running to the john myself. I was trying to remember if she looked particularly guilty when I came back to the car and I didn’t think she did.

And so I’m driving to the other building and my eyes are watering and I’m frantically trying to figure out where the smell is coming from. I don’t see anything out in the open – but the car is full of garbage and the source could easily be hidden from view. The back seat looks okay, I don’t see any suspicious mountains of turds festering back there but it is a minivan, there is lot of “back there” for things to fester away in relative privacy. The front seat seems okay from the drivers’ seat, but I could Oh My Gawd!! Be sitting in it!. For my own sanity, I decide that I am not.

I’m thinking the car smells, I am in the car! Am I going to smell too? . I had a sit down lunch to attend and I really didn’t want to sit there and stink up the place and the women I work with? Totally would have no problem saying they smelled something funky and that the funkiness was radiating from moi.

I get to the other building and launch myself out of the car. I of course have an audience was this, because if other people couldn’t witness my freak out, what fun would it be? I needed other people to see me frantically exiting my car and then searching the car for shit. It made it so much better. Of course they didn’t know about the odor or that what I was frantically looking for was shit. No, they assumed I couldn’t find the 30 gallon cooler in the seat next to me; very often you lose them in the seat cushions or under the dash board.

I successful got the ice and went back to the building for the birthday party – I did cut out a little early so I could go to the dollar store for some room deodorizer to nuke the interior of the car with. I splurged, I got the $3 can of Febreeze instead of the $1 can of no-name brand of air freshener because I mean business damn it.

Mini and I are going to throw down after work.

edited to add - I stripped the car when I came home from work, and I didn't find anything that could have been the source of that smell.