A Meaty story


Have you ever been at such a loss of something to do that going to the grocery store so you can make meat loaf sounds like fun? I want to point out that it was 1:30 on a rainy Sunday afternoon and I was all ready done with the laundry.

Anyway. Dogger was sad so I brought her with me, bringing her with me also cuts way down on how long I stay in the store and the less time I’m wandering around the store the fewer things I buy that I do not actually need to eat. The grocery store is full of things we do not need to eat and somehow bring back with us anyway and store in with the food we do need to eat. I think it lends a gravitas to twinkies if they are stored in the same place as your cans of soup and mac and cheese. Being that close to items normally defined as “food” also you to think that twinkies are food as well. They are not. The cabinets makers of the worked would so us all a huge favor if they would construct cabinets with well defined labeled sections and perhaps, locking drawers to put the twinkies in. I would suggest dead bolts and combination locks. If you really want the twinkie, you will work for that twinkie.

Okay. I decided that I want meat loaf. I have nothing in the house to make meat loaf with. My grocery list got longer so now in addition to a bag of sugar I also needed ground meats, bread crumbs, egg product, and some sort of flavor enhancer. A good meat loaf is not made with meat alone. A good meat loaf is more loaf than meat.

For extra excitement I chose a grocery store that is not on my regular route. It’s dark, its drizzling, its 1:30 on a Sunday and your laundry is done, what do you do for excitement?

After much over thinking the ground meat portion of the loaf - What kinds? How much of what kinds? How much of what kinds with how much added fat content? How much of what kind in what kind of packaging? Does it matter? Is it better to buy them separately or should I buy the all ready mixed choice? Is it better because it is more expensive? Or are they counting on me being too lazy to mix the meats myself and they are dunning me accordingly? Do they have more interesting ground meats in the back? And would I be able to tell the difference between the cooler ground meats they may have in the back and the less cool ground meats they have displayed? And if they have cooler ground meats in the back, why are they in the back and not out here? Would they do that? Are they saving the really cool food for someone else? And if so, why? Am I not cool enough? If I tell them I will make the meat loaf in fair trade mixing bowls while accompanied by world music, would they bring it out then?

I won’t even go into my extended Newman's Own peach and lime salsas v. cheaper traditionally flavored salsas angst and how I felt bad about not wanting a peach or lime tinged meat loaf and how I still had to go to a second grocery store just to get salsa that was not lime or peach flavored but still Newman's Own and how I let a woman butt in front of me in the line because she was wildly talking to herself and how she then wouldn’t let me unload my stuff onto the conveyor belt or move my cart up - because not only was she crazy, she was also a bitch . The grocery shopping ended up being such fun.