Healthy Choice

The candy machine guy as abandoned us. There isn’t even any gum! I mean the gum in the machine hadn’t changed in the five and a half years I’ve been here, but now its’ gone! We’ve never been left so destitute that the even the gum was gone. In the past we’ve had less than attentive candy machine guys but we were never left so desperate we actually had to buy the gum. I don’t want to be so desperate for a fix that I would buy five year old gum. The over priced toaster pops are even gone and I thought those were being ignored as a statement - .95 cents for toaster pops? Not gonna happen. The only thing left to buy in the machine now is the “Wellness Committee” sanctioned health food. When the candy machine guy has left your office with a candy machine full of granola bars and trail mix – Your candy machine guy has truly forsaken your office.

My co-worker describes our candy machine guy as “Under motivated”. At some point along the way she wrung a promise out of him to come by and check the machine at least twice a month. This was a year ago. He comes when and only when the machine is completely empty. I don’t know how he knows this, perhaps the machine send out some high frequency whine when it becomes lonely or maybe there is some black ops style scale under the machine that keeps track of its weight? I don’t know, but since there are still bags of trail mix to keep the machine company, Mr. Candy Machine Guy is not going to be coming around.

I think he must be assuming this would be a slow time for candy machine sales. That he is thinking that this time of year the office workers would be bringing in home made goodies for the office to partake in so he wouldn’t have to bother his precious self with coming by our building to check his machines. Well, we don’t have any bakers in the building. Not a single person has thought to bring in cookies or brownies or even a box of store bought holiday doughnuts. It’s been a very lean holiday season around here. I am hoping it will pick up as we get closer to Christmas.

We’re supposed to be healthcare workers! The least healthy people on the face of the earth! We should be swimming in frosting or floating on candy fumes by this time. I am very disappointed. I work with the last smokers on the planet and I’m pretty sure we are the only building in the western hemisphere where the smokers don’t have to hike to another zip code to smoke. We have so many lifetime smokers working here we had to have a car outfitted with it’s own an oxygen tank. Here they can go out the back door. With this lack of respect for health the office should be so over run with baked goods that we could be use unwanted lemon bars for sticky notes!