Ugh.

And what time did you get up this morning? And what were you doing as you were waking up? Shuffling down the hall? Rolling over for another ten minutes? And what time was it? Six? Seven? Eight for you real slug abeds?

I was up at 2:16am.

And I wasn’t bumbling around trying to find the john, no, I was plodding around the front yard with Dogger. In the dark. And? It’s cold at 2:16am and I wasn’t plodding around in a nice carpeted hallway either. No, nothing but cold, wet grass for my tootsys. Nothing but the best for me. Can dogs get the Noa virus? Dogger has a stomach flu. Her stomach hurts and I woke up with grass in my bed. I want credit for remembering to turn off my bugler alarm before I went outside. 2:16 am, in the dark, in my sleep, without my glasses and I remembered to do that. Yay me.

I stayed up too late watching the Oscars (tm). That was my fault. I should have gone to bed earlier but it was the Oscars!(tm) it’s a once a year thing, it’s special. It would be even more special if they could hold them on a night were the audience didn’t have to be up early the next morning.

We all could have got a lot more sleep if they could have forgone some, most, all of the pointless time wasters that the Academy seems to feel we all want to indulge in. Do the awards have to run for hours? Is that a rule? I like montages, but I don’t need to see a thousand of them. They lose their punch after the fourth or fifth or sixth tribute of the evening and by the time you are honoring the contributions of zip lock bags to the film industry - Less is more.

I did like the talking head thing that Errol Morris did a the start. It’s kind of nice to see the nominees as people. In tuxes and gowns they all look the same - the men look like penguins and the women all look like some other kind of bird. An unhappy, uncomfortable bird. And all dressed up lie that, they look useless, totally unable to do the actual work they are being recognized for. Like awarding a penguin for it’s uncanny flying ability.

But as always, George Clooney looked like the very most handsome penguin and probably the only penguin who really could indeed fly. Even if all he did was stand there and flap he would still look better than the rest of the tubby, flightless flock.. I think he should have hosted. He certainly could have pulled off the red suit better than Ellen did. I could have pulled off it off better. You pretty much have to be early nineties Madonna to really pull off the whole chick-in-a- suit thing I know Ellen isn’t into all that, but Girlfriend could have tried. Portia Del Rossi is just as big a lez as she is and she always looks glamorous. She can dress, you would think she would help her girlfriend out, at the very least she could have given her the name of a good tailor or hooked her up with a seamstress, someone anyone.

Anyway, did any of ya’ll notice how well I guessed? I did good. I picked Germany to win for best foreign film...