Lost In Place

Last night, The Kitty and I were upstairs and I was getting ready for bed. One minute The Kitty was there, the next minute he was gone. This time, I was able to stay calm. I didn’t have to worry that every minute I wasn’t finding him was another minute for him to be playing in traffic. I could take my time because I knew he was in the room, it was just a matter of discovering where.

I looked in some good places, if I was a cat, I would hide under the curtain in the bathroom or I would hide on the lowest shelf of the book shelves, behind the plastic boxes I use as my closet/dresser - Ideal hiding place. A cat could do well for himself back there.

All the while I kept up a running monologue with The Kitty in mind.

I would be right here, if I were you, it’s nice and dark and soft. Actually, if I were you I wouldn’t be fooling around like this. I would be watching CSI-NY with me, in bed. if I were you.. But if I were you, I would ride around on my shoulder all day and if I wasn’t there, I would be cuddled in my lap. I would also be friends with Dogger and spend all day cuddled up with her. But I’m not you. I have thumbs.

Kitty was all “Whateveh”

I continued.

If I were you I wouldn’t mess around like this. This is boring. This is way more exercise than I need late at night. I wouldn’t make me do this because I might decide I don’t care where you are and I might just bring Dogger upstairs, she could sleep on the futon. You know she sleeps thought the night, right? she doesn’t wake me up every three hours for a feeding. She goes to sleep and stays that way. She maintains all night. She can’t cuddle under my chin though. You get points for that.

Kitty was like “She can’t pee in a box can she? Talk to me about how superior she is the next time it goes below freezing.”

I finally saw something out of place. I was going around to look under the bed again, and I saw something the foot of the bed, under the re-purposed coffee table. It wasn’t a lose sock..

You are good. You could run seminars for tax cheats and mob informants.

Kitty said “You don’t even know”.

I had him! This must have been where he was the other night. He wasn’t under the bed, so even repeated trips under there wouldn’t have found him. He wasn’t really under the bench either, I remember looking there. He was in between them, curled up on a blanket that had somehow slipped off the bench and between it and the bed. It was genius. There is a bar that runs under the bench and he was behind it. If he stayed flat I would have never found him.

I tried to pull him out but he wouldn’t budge. I used my superior strength and thumbs against him.

If you would sleep through the night like Dogger, you wouldn’t have scruff. I’m going to pull you out of here. Now, let me get to your scruff. Really, move around. I know you don’t want to come out. I want to watch CSI and I want to watch it with you!, you made me miss Boston Legal, and I won’t miss CSI because you suck.

The Kitty could have stayed there the other night, warm and happy and I would have spent the night cold and miserable searching the neighborhood for him, fruitlessly and in hysterics. Thank Gawd he wanted to stretch his legs before I had to stretch mine