Ticking, Ticking, Ticking

Is it November all ready? How did this happen? I just got back from vacation, I’m still getting razed for how long I was gone. It can not possibly be November.

I won’t allow it.

If it’s November it means that Thanksgiving is coming up and after Thanksgiving its Christmas and New Years and then we have to some how survive Valentines and after that everyone will be sitting around saying “How is it March? Wasn’t it just Christmas?” and we’ll all stand there and talk about how fast time is going by and can you believe that-fill-in-the-blank was all ready X number of years ago and doesn’t time fly .

But lets live in the now. It’s November. I saw something in the paper that said our peak leaf color should be November 1. I’m looking, but it’s not looking “peak”, peaked certainly, but it’s not peaked. I have some leaves in the yard but they didn’t fall, they got depressed and jumped.

It’s finally gotten cooler and that’s helped a little but I’m having dark visions of some storm coming through in December and the leaves still hanging on and they freeze and instead of leaves everywhere we’re going to have limbs everywhere because the weight of the leaves is going to be too much. The trees can handles leaves or they can handle ice but they can’t handle frozen leaves.

The Kitty made sure I got my first Halloween fright early. Tuesday night after a really good time at the park and her dose of benadryl, Dogger and I settled in for some good TV watching time. Well, I watched TV, Dogger slept. She’s going to be pissed missed House, anyway. She’s making like the greenest electric blanket evah and I decide it’s time to wake her up and take her out one more time. She’s too tired to fight me on it and I take her outside. It’s getting late and I decide to call it a night. It’s The Kitty’s turn for a little TV Togetherness.

Well. I can’t find The Kitty.

A check his usual places turns up no Kitty. I call for him - which is dumb because he has never come when he’s called, Dogger doesn’t either and I know it has something to do with The Kitty’s bad influence. I look in the window sills, smack the curtains to see what falls out - he doesn’t. I checked under the beds, the couches, behind the chairs, down in the basement - which has been locked ... I looked in cupboards, behind the TV, in the fireplace...

I’m looking in the bathroom, despite the fact the door has been closed and unless he tunneled under, he can’t get in there, or the bedroom either - where I also looked. Also, unsuccessfully.

I decide he got out when I took Dogger out, So, I go there, out. I pad around the yard in my pajamas and peer under the shrubs and then the car. I go back inside and put shoes on and check under different shrubbery and the neighbors car. Nothing.

I stand on the drive way and say Here Kitty, come on Kitty” and the feral cat that looks like The Kitty only butch, wanders over. I hate him for looking like Kitty and coming when he’s called. I go back inside and search the house again

The search is not successful. I change into real clothes and find a flashlight. More shrub peering and car under carriage inspecting. Nothing. I’m supposed to be inside in my bed in my pajamas with my cat watching Boston Legal. Oh, and it’s cold.

Back inside. Another top to bottom search of the house. He is not there. I stand in the living room and assess my choices. I decide to put on real clothes and go back outside and do this search for real.

I go back upstairs to change and he’s sitting on the bed.


What if they threw a Halloween and nobody showed up?

Do you think the kids knew I was handing out coupons instead of candy? Did they have little maps of where the “good candy” was? Did they hold meetings where one kid stood in front of a satellite image of the neighborhood and said:

Chief Kid - Okay troops! Lets go over this again, 4572? Snack sized Snickers! Two down is hard candy , lets not repeat last years mistake! What do we say?

Kids - If its hard it’s in the yard!

Chief - Good! Good! Okay, what else did we go over? What do we think of those little packages of pretzels?

Kids - NO way!

Chief - Unless what?

Kids - They are covered in chocolate!

Chief - You guys are great! Now what about coupons?

Kids - If it doesn’t have sugar it’s not candy!

ALL - WE WANT CANDY WE WANT CANDY WE WANT CANDY!!!

If I didn’t all ready know I lived in the ‘hood - The first kid who came to my door was dressed as Ghost Face Killer..