Big, Bigger, Biggest Dog

The bad news is that my burglar alarm went off. The good news is that I am the one that set it off. I came home, unlocked the door and punched in my code... and the alarm kept going off and off and off

And I’m going shit!shit!shit!shit! I have to make this stop! "Stop it! Stop it!". Oddly, the alarm does not respond to voice commands. Both my burglar alarms are bad dogs.

So the alarm is hooting and shrieking and I know the neighbors are just loving this. I would be. I love hear alarms go off, other people’s alarms are always music to me. While my alarm is telling everyone within a three mile radius that my perimeter has been breached, I’m waiting for the alarm people to challenge me. My alarm company does that. Make the alarm go off, don’t make it stop going off fast enough and the alarm people will challenge you. They have questions, you had better have answers. The right answers.

I couldn’t remember the right answers. Answers I had, the right answers, not so much. It has been years since this happened, “years” is a long time to have to remember stuff.

I went through Mother’s maiden name, childhood pet names, the name of the hospital I was born at, my social security number and then they gave me a hint. Finally. The hooting stopped. They told me what to do to make the shrieking stop and it did, for a minute. The second the walls stopped talking to me the hooting started again. This was going to make it very hard to get to the park in a timely manner.

Back to the keypad I went, and I found the culprit. A number was stuck. It got stuck when I punched in the code, so instead of the my digits, the alarm thought I had punched in something approaching the first hundred digests of pi. That made the alarm system very angry. You have to be very careful about what you say to Happy Fun Alarm System. It's like walking on egg shells around here. Yeah, no wonder it went off. Yeah, I could understand it now. Yup. That would do it.

And then Dogger and I went to the park and had such a good time! Our friend dogs were there and Drama was not. Dogger played and ran and got in a good game of tug with an even larger dog and I got to play with a nice mid-sized dog. My friend and I were admiring the dog, we thought it was a exceptionally happy dog. We asked how old the dog was, thinking maybe a year, two at the most, it turns out it's only four-months-old and all ready the size of a year old lab. We were floored. The guy told us it was a bloodhound cross. We asked if it was a bloodhound/Clydesdale cross.

We told his person that he was going to have a very, very, very large dog and that we hoped he had a big enough place and maybe he should look into a larger car or into a used troop transport. It was me and the person of a bigger dog than Dogger. We know from large dogs and I mean, this dog is going to be a large Clydesdale. It’ll be bigger than Dogger. I can only hope he forgets that Dogger tried to squish him because in a few months? It’s going to be a crime-fighting Clydesdale.

HAPPY HANUKKAH!!!