Eating our hearts out

Here it is 12 days before Christmas and there are no treats in the office! I'm starving to death at a time I should suffering from Christmas Cookie Bloat. There should be sugary, sticky snacks covering all the flat surfaces. There should be office to office cookie pushers! We shouldn't be able to get in the door without proving we are carrying goodies. We should be writing memos in frosting! Our interoffice envelopes should be freezer bags!

I should walk into my office in the morning and find a waiting plate of breakfast cookies and then when I come back to my office from lunch there should be a nice desert plate waiting for me. The blame for this treat drought probably falls with the fact we no longer have a bullpen. There is no one place that everybody goes for everything. So no one has anywhere to go. The bullpen, while loud and exposed was always full of food. I also blame the increase in home-based workers the preponderance of dietitians who refuse to go home. Social Workers, RNS, are all about making you feel better. Dietitians want you to be better. I hate dietitians.

How are we supposed to get through Christmas without snacks at the office? We need them! How are we supposed to pace ourselves at holiday parties? I mean, by this point I should be able to be fairly strong when it comes to being faced with a holiday spread, but this year I am totally powerless. I would jump head first into a tray of cookies and I’m afraid if I ran across a plate of something frosted, well it might get ugly. The office cookie tray is supposed to toughen us up, make us strong, spoil us for other temptations. If you have spent all day grazing in the break-room you can be strong at a party that night. Now? I’m likely to end up wearing a bunt cake on my head.

There was an open house in personnel the other day and that did help a little, but it’s not like I had all day to forage. I had to get in and get out fast. I only had time to fill my very small plate and then I had to go back to the office. Home made candy requires a full day of being snacked on. You can’t appreciate it after only one or two or three pieces! It takes time, you have to be able to compare and contrast it at your leisure and then start on the other home made candies. What if the first kind isn't really good? Of course, it;'s good but what if there was a better? How would you know if you had nothing to compare it to? It could happen. Not all home made candy is made equally and it can be hard to tell if you don’t have a comparison. Here we are forced to eat store bought peppermints one at a time! I mean, It’s Christmas.

We are finally taking it into our own hands. If other people won’t bring in treats for us, we are going to bring in our own. Friday, we feast. On Frosting.


Best Line of the Night

She was un unwitting homeopathic drug mule

--Pushing Daisies