My Dentist, Myself

Last night I went to bed late for me, 11:20 or so. Almost as soon as I was down for the night Dogger began to bark. A lot. I don't want her to not do this but there are limits. She kept barking. I told her to stop it. A couple of times. Then She started to growl and she sounded like a machine. She barked again at 12:30 and I went down to see what it was about. I looked out the window and there were cop lights down the way.

Not unusual. I had heard sirens. I live very close to a fire station and close to a trauma center. It can also be a punishable crime to drive while black here. I went back to bed, Dogger kept barking. I thought someone was being arrested.

At 6am I took Dogger out. No more cop lights, but ...At the end of my street there was a police bus and crime tape and detectives and multiple cop cars. And crime scene trucks. I was shocked. I saw a man walking down the street. A detective it turned out. I asked what happened and he told me a homicide had taken place where my street dead ends, but it was well in hand and I should not worry. Dogger barked all night because someone was murdered on my street.

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I went over to Alphagal and Broskys for some pizza and family bonding. Tiny E is going to start college next fall. I mean for real, she is totally the smartest toddler in the toddler room. She makes the other 19 month-olds look like one year olds. I mean once she’s toilet trained, her parents are negotiating with a kindergarten in Chapel Hill - That’s right she’s also a basketball phenom.

Anyway. I went and ate some pizza. I chewed my food. I was a happy woman.

Well. It turns out that chewing is vastly over rated. Chewing is for pussy’s. Real women choose liquid diets. Teeth are for people who have to chew their own foods. You know what’s hott? The Baby Bird Lifestyle Diet. Demi has been on it for weeks. She and I no longer eat any foods that have more body to them than a thick soup.

See what happened was that I have this molar and once upon a time I had a massive cavity and when it was filled it separated the tooth into tour equal-ish parts. Years passed. The tooth quadrants started to have skirmishes and eventfully, civil war broke out and a break-away republic broke free. Well, is trying to break free. So far it has achieved break-away-republic status. I think will achieve full Democracy sometime prior to my Wednesday appointment. That’s right Wednesday I called my dentist on Thursday. There is a Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday in between.

I don’t really think the receptionist really grasped what I was saying when I told her my tooth had broken up like a college band - In pieces and headed in four different directions! Thus far it has been amicable, no tears as yet but I’m worried that once the breakaway republic breaks free, it’s going to hurt. I fear that is a nerve there that is going to get it’s panties in a wad once it’s little friend is gone. And I know that nerve is going to take it’s separation anxiety out on.

Does anyone know any ways to keep my teeth from touching over night? I can take care of it while I’m awake but my self control needs me to be conscience. My unconsence isn’t as invested in living a pain-free life as I am.

Okay, on to a different topic : Other People’s Pain.

I was standing at the sink, mixing poison when I heard breaks being hit and then I felt an impact, then I heard it. BANG. And then nothing. I stood there and waited. Nothing. I looked out the window to see if traffic was stopped on the big street. I saw cars moving. I didn’t call 911 because I didn’t know where the collision took place. I don’t think 911 likes it when you call them and say you heard an impact but you aren’t sure where the accident was. I think intersection and street names are kind of important to them. They’re into specifics not appoximations.

I went out and poisoned the little green wormy things. Die Worms Die! I finally heard the sirens. I finished up the worm war and went to go see where the crash was. It turned out to be closer than I had thought it was. You know that term “Crush Space”? The one car didn’t have any left. It must have hit the other car head on. Going fast. The front end of the car began and ended at the wind shield - Which was un damaged. So the driver wasn’t propelled through it on impact. Good for the driver. And the people who live on that corner. I mean, ew. You know?

Oh. And since I am going to hell with that. I don’t know if you have read the paper lately, but there was this massive earthquake in China. Huge. Very, very sad. All the news is about China - No big change there, all the news has been about China for weeks - What a evol, Tibet abusing, political prisoner jailing, shitty quality control having, ecology destroying, Three Gorge Dam building, pollution spewing Whore Nation they were. It was all China Hate all the time. And then, then they had an Earthquake. Suddenly it’s still All China All the Time but the tone has changed, suddenly its Poor China! Sympathy for the China! Poor, Sad, Nature Oppressed China. That catastrophe was the best PR imaginable. The Olympic message is going to be all about China rising from the rubble and the Heroism of the Chinese people. So positive, so happy, so not the China of the last news cycle. Do you actually think anyone of those Pols who said they weren’t going to go are going to sit it out now? No way in hell.