Pain is our friend.

Truly, it is. Think of it as an early warning system. If something hurts we take care of it, if it hurts a lot, we take care of it now. The faster we take care of it, the less there is to take care of. Things that don't hurt don't get taken care of and as a result, a whole lot needs to be taken care of. Trust me, I know of whence I speak.

Yesterday was Dentist Appointment Day. When I called a week ago and explained to receptionist that I feared that I had a broken tooth and at the very least I had a cracked tooth and that my primary symptom was a quarter of the molar in question was loose and I needed an appointment now, the receptionist translated this as I was calling in to complain about a "chipped tooth" and left me to cool my heals for a week. Another significant road block to more timely access to care was my lack of pain. If you want to see your dentist now, tell the receptionist you are in pain, a lot of pain. The receptionist might get you in on Thursday.

My tooth and I were early, the receptionist asked if I was aware my appointment wasn't until 2pm. I said I knew this, I also now knew that I wasn't going to get in early. Your dentist office isn't the same as the girl who cuts your hair, their philosophies about appointment times is quite different and yet they both deal with emergency appointments. A broken tooth, a bad home dye job. Tomato , tamatoh.. Personally, I am a huge proponent of first come first served.

The dentist finally saw me. Imagine his surprise that I was not actually there for a chipped tooth. I avoided the dentist office for years and he thinks I would subject myself to the dentists chair for a chipped tooth? Dentist, please.

First, he pumped my jaw full of Novocaine. Full. I have a head cold now but I don't care because I can't feel anything below my hair line or above my waist. And then he and his minion drilled. I don't care how numb I am the sound of the drill makes me tense up like a spring. Drill, drill, drill. My toothlet fell out. A quarter of a molar is a pretty big bit of tooth. I was surprised it took so much to fall out because in my mouth it felt like a strong breeze would have knocked it out. I could been eating real food all this time. Oh point of order about commercially available mashed potatoes, Sam's Club makes a kick ass version. Kroger's mashed potatoes taste like reconstituted potato flakes.

Any way.

They took x-rays and they found a toy surprise. My tooth is not only cracked it is abscessed.. . A lot. And has been for a while. Just about as long as it has been fractured, and oddly, I'm not in pain, not yet at least but now that I know I should be in pain I'm going to wake up at 2am howling in agony. Should I mention I've been a frequent visitor to my dentist since March? I'm there all the damn time, I've been x-rayed, had a cavity filled, a crown placed and had my teeth cleaned, and they didn't notice the giant fissure? The dentist looked in my mouth and said was It isn't chipped is it? I felt so comforted.

My tooth is toast. It may be fixable though, there are cracked and or broken teeth that present as more screwed then my tooth. I might be a candidate for a root canal. Or I might not, I have an appointment with an endodontist to make a final call on that. He'll either say it can be saved or it needs to be pulled, some teeth are so broken and damaged that there is nothing they can do. So if it's good news I get to undergo a root canal and if it's bad news I get an extraction. Sounds like six of one and a half dozen of the other to me.

I left the office with two prescriptions, one for a high enough dose of penicillin to cure the clap and another for enough vicodin to change my name to Gregiana House.