Friday afternoon at work I received an automated phone call informing phone call informing me that my new dishwasher would be arriving at some point between 11 am and 3 pm the following day. "Great" I said "It's a good thing I didn't want to get anything else accomplished on Saturday because I have no other plans or anything else to get done! and besides, it's way too hot to do lawn work anyway! Instead I'll wash each piece of laundry individually and then watch them dry! Woo!".
Fortunately, the the miracles of modern technology I did not have to sit around and watch my laundry dry. Instead I spent Saturday morning sitting in front of the TV watching other people get lots of work done around their houses. It was good that I was stuck inside though, I didn't know it yet but it had heated up to about 8000 degrees outside.
Finally, my phone rings and an actual human being informed me my dishwasher was on its way. I quickly tidied up the kitchen and hand washed a couple of plates less the installer guys think I was a poor housekeeper.
They arrived before I even had a chance to lock up Dogger, who was very interested in these men. I herded her into the hallway and closed the door so I could deal with the delivery guys without having to deal with her as well. The Kitty sensed an open door and did a very good job of disguising himself as one of their work boots but was quickly uncovered when they both turned out to work in sneakers.
Animals dealt with it was time to deal with the installers. In my fairy tale version of how this was supposed be done, I had them bringing the washer off the truck, removing the old washer and installing the new washer and we all lived happily ever after. This was obviously a bowderlized version of the real fairy tale that included the old machine first being installed and then moments later re-installed, threats, accusations of murderous intent, venomous orders to remain on the premises and angry calls back and forth to their supervisor by both parties. And most of this took place in the 8000 degree heat of my driveway.
Why was I forced to issue orders? I did not have the breaker thrown to the dishwasher prior to the installers arriving and on my fuse box the dishwasher is not identified by name on a fuse. To find which fuse it is, you have to throw a few until you find it. Obviously, I was trying to kill them. I'm a "requester" by nature. I don't usually order anyone to do anything. My animals have worn me down over the years and I have given up forcing my will onto others. I did at one point have to issue a death threat to a co-worker but he understood that it was just business, and ultimately, I got what I wanted and he got to live.
When I couldn't find the fuse immediately they ascertained I was trying to kill them and they quickly reinstalled my old washer, packed up their toys and reloaded their truck. They told me as I was chasing them down my drive way, that I would have to re-schedule my delivery and they had to go because I was making them late for other deliveries. Which, by the way is bull shit because they don't even call you until a half hour before they arrive and prior to that all you know is which five hour block of time they may be arriving at your door. I told them that they could not leave, period and if they did leave I was not going to buy the dishwasher, pay any kind of restocking fee and under no circumstances would I be buying anything from them again, period and I would make sure that the powers that be top to bottom at Home Depot knew exactly why I was never going to spend another dime with them and who ultimately, the blame lay with.
It was a tense stand off. They got in their truck with my dishwasher and called their boss again while I stomped downstairs to my basement and began to throw switches on the fuse box in earnest. I found the fuse in about 25 seconds and stomped back up the stairs and out to their truck and told them to let me speak with their supervisor right now. We spoke, then they spoke, and then they got out of their truck and installed my new dishwasher. Damn it.
And they lived happily ever after!
The End.
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