Shopping

Dear Izaak,

I just got back from Target, and I  have to ask you to step away from the Nick at Nite  and Mad Men . Check out The Hills, 30 Rock something, anything set in the now. You have created an entire collection clearly inspired by the couture of Ethel Mertz . I can’t and don’t want to imagine that there are enough people out who want to look like Ethel Mertz to support a zillion Targets across the land stocked with zillions of rejected costume ideas from I Love Lucy. I  myself, do not want to live in a costume drama. Love, Diana.

The IM section at Target is made up of all the really drab clothes that don’t show up in vintage stores because they appear too dated; A Red belted shirt dress is retro, a brown belted shirt dress is dated. And ugly. Mizrahi can call it Spanish Brown all he wants, brown is brown is brown Spanish, Dutch, French it’s all the same brown. If you have any hint at all that the dress style was once featured on The Waltons? It’s a sartorial mistake.

And, not only brown and dated but also featureing the return of the Peter Pan collar! I mean really the Peter Pan collar it’s just so wrong. I was looking through the most recent Bust Magazine and they had models wearing dresses that Cindy Brady would have dismissed as being too over-the-top! Baby doll dresses on non-baby non-dolls do not move us forward as a gender. And they make you look fat. They had these peter pan collars on models who looked very self satisfied about the superiority of their play lists and they were dressed like Cindy Brady! It’s not right, and not later season Brady Bunch Cindy but like first season Cindy! She drinks now and I blame it on spending those years in baby doll dresses with peter pan collars.

Anyway.

I was being horrified at Target and fearing for my gender for at least the next season because I was on a mission. Well, being horrified and fearing for my gender over the next season was not really a part of my mission, I was on a mission because I was looking for teeny widdle Chuck Taylors. Red. High tops. Size 6. Toddler. Target had many Chuck Taylors but not red high tops size 6 toddler. No high tops to speak of at all. I was very disappointed. I could have scored some red sparkly Mary Janes - But I am on shopping probation and scoreing red, sparkly Mary Janes was not what I was there for and if I was going to buy shoes, I needed to buy only the shoes I was in the market for. I really like the idea of sparkly red Mary Janes for Tiny E but  Tiny E does not want sparkly red Mary Janes. Tiny E wants red Chuck Taylor high tops. The search continued.

Payless had nothing, Rack Room had high tops but not in red or size 6, The Foot Locker had them in adult sizes but no childrens, Ross had children’s shoes but no Chucks, I have exhausted my discount choices, I’m going to resort to shopping retail.