Fire and Water

I got a letter from Amana letting me know my dishwasher and 1. 7 million of its cousins, are fire hazards. The letter went on to confess that the products heating element can catch on fire and in some cases can and will burn my house down.

Their records indicate that I have one of their little bombs in my house. They just wanted to let me know that while no bodily injury has been reported yet that its just a matter of time  before their demonic serial killer dishwashers of  doom start to escalate and its probably going to be me that  breaks that cycle. Yay.

They suggest that I disconnect the electric supply by shutting of the fuse or circuit breaker controlling it and then they suggest I tell the household that the machine is a death trap. The dog and kitty have been notified.

The thing I'm not seeing anywhere on this letter is who they are going to send to wash my dishes for me, cause I ain't gonna. My kitchen is not designed for hand washing of dishes, I do not have the supplies to wash my own dishes nor do I plan on acquiring them. I could be talked into raping the environment with paper plates but I know they don't make paper woks. and I am pretty sure my microwave would eat a paper mug if I tried to go that route - if my dishwasher isn't going to burn my house down they are all but inviting my microwave to do the deed.

 I'm not putting up the police tape  they included in the letter just yet. When I looked at the letter more closely it speaks of a "heating element". I do not use a "heating element" I fully expect my dishes to dry on their own, I do not waste electricity by making the dishwasher do the work!  I'm pretty sure... I mean I don't have that button pushed or anything but I also don't really supervise the machine while it does its work either.  I pretty much just fill it and forget it. I close the door on dirty dishes and open it  and there is like magically clean dishes later on. I don't know how it works, I'm assuming Harry Potter and his friends are all in there spraying magic water and soap and playing Quidditch  or whatever. The dishes get clean and I don't have dishpan hands.

I called and talked to a machine and apparently they know all about me and my fire hazard. They confirmed my name and address and that my machine is absolutely going to burn my house down. They would give me a rebate of almost nothing if I wanted to replace my bisque machine with a sexier stainless steel model.  I'm one of those outliers, I don't do stainless steel . Magnets are a turn on and finger prints are a turn off. I  like long walks on the beach and chick flicks.

The machine scheduled an appointment for the 16th, so they aren't real scared about this, if they offered to be here say tomorrow I would be a little flustered but if they are comfortable enough to schedule appointments a week out - well, I'm not going to go investing in rubber gloves. I;m about to live life on the wild side, I'm going go load my dishwasher.