Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The way back machine
<i>In theory, I have too much to do to properly write an entry. So to save time I thought I would pick a vacation themed entry from the past - a project that took roughly the same amount of time as writing a new one. From August of 2004, titled "A Skycap ate my Catby!", detiling my concerns with getting the late Kitty on a plane for free.</i>
Kitty as Baby - I have several varitions on this theme. Sadly they all call for a certain amount of sacrifice on the part of the kitty and I'm absolutely sure he is going to be interested in sacrifice. Sadly for Kitty, I am bigger and higher on the food chain. For Kitty this means
A - The wearing of a Onesy. And subsequent tail issues
B. The wearing of a baby bonnet
C. The wearing of baby mittens.
D. Riding in an umbrella style stroller.
I see all of these as very good ways to cover up the fact that I am carrying a cat through an airport. I'm pretty sure that a drugged Kitty trussed up in a onesy and covered with a blanket will look a lot like a baby or will at least look adequately baby shaped as to escape detection. It does call on him to sit and be still for an extended period of time, but that is why they invented Benadryl and why my vet told me to use it. I also seem to understand that baby stollers do not necessarily count as a carry on, they seem to get whisked away at the gate and then mysteriously reappear at the next airport. This is not fair to the childfree. If breeders can have there extra things conveniently whisked away and then conveniently returned, I think they can whisk away my luggage trolley and then conveniently make it reappear when I get where I'm going. I also think my cat should ride for free just like similarly sized baby. A whole people baby gets to ride free and not get stuffed under a seat, while Kitty they charge me out the ass for and then force me to shove him under a seat. Not Fair!.
Diana as Wheelchair Bound Traveler - True, it is wrong to play with wheelchairs and it is wrong to impersonate a handicapped person but if I was in a wheelchair I could have Kitty's crate balanced on my lap along with my carry on. I would be rolled through the airport at top speed and not have to worry about getting to my next flight. Kitty wouldn't be put out and no one would get banged around in transit. I'm not sure how closely the airlines check for actual wheelchair neediness. If they test you or anything, maybe they tape money to the floor and watch to see if you jump out of the chair real fast to go get it or if they watch to see how well you get around in the chair. What if I showed up limping and asked for a chair, would they just give me one? Or would I have to have a note or something? Anyway, this is a workable option.
Kitty as stuffed animal. In this option kitty doesn't have to do anything but be squishy and furry. He can do that. He would have to choke down, um a lot of Benadryl to make him adequately lifeless for the duration but I think we could work it out. All he would have to do is what he all ready does naturally - just lie there and do nothing! He could sleep soundly and appear to have no bone structure and no concern-able vital signs. He can do that! With his girth it can be very hard to tell if his heart is beating and he could also try not to breathe, much. If he does slip up and insist on showing signs of life, he could be a very good amatronic toy.
Anyone else have any better ideas?