Friday, August 12, 2016


For your own presense of mind, its a good idea to at least once, to try to break into your own home.  Find your weaknesses, discover your soft spots. If you can find them, you can be certain that They already know where are. This is a really good exercise you should do periodically.

If you can get in the house easily, so can everyone else. Worry.

If you have to work at it, if you actually end up with some concerns - please note, do not try this if you are alone in the house.

I went out the front door to catch my mailbitch. I had mail in the door, clearly visible, she didn't have any mail to drop off so she kept on her route. I ran to stop her, I ran out the front door  with the dog behind me, I told hte dog to stay and ran to catch mailwhore. I caught her and gave her my mail and some side eye for being a bitch. I stopped and spoke with my neighbors.

I came back to my house and the front door was much more shut than it was when I ran out of it . Problem. Big Problem.

I tried the door. Hard. The door doesn't open. I had thought maybe it was just a little stuck, maybe I could force it open. No. It wasn't a little be swollen, it was a little all the way closed. I didn't go all NYPD Blue "Open it NOW or I'll Take It Down!", because its a nice door. But I gave it a good shoulder and it didn't budge. It wasn't locked by the way, it doesn't need to be locked, if the alarm didn't insist on it, it would be unnecessary. The door is unopenable.

SO, this shouldn't be a problem. I have other doors right? and they are locked. I have spare keys right? I keep a set somewhere right? and there is a set in the car right? There was a key outside and then a vender used it and returned it and I never put it back because I'm an idiot, and I do have a spare set in the car, but the car is also  locked.

I went to the neighbors, because surely, after fifteen years I have given them a key, I'll just get it from them! Nope! I've never done that. Note to self : Give them a key.

Okay. Time to get smarter. Where is the house weak?

The house is taller than it looks and the windows are tiny. Its not easy to get in or out of. I'm glad that "they" can't get in, but it's not great that I can't get out.

How do I get up to the window I  decided was the weakest link? I went with the wooden spool and thought it was going to be the right height, it wasn't. Too short. If I tried it on its side it was marginally taller, but it was also significantly more rolly. I need not rolly and taller. I have chairs in  the yard! I stood a chair on the spool and I was in business. I get on the chair and haul myself up to the window and  I discovered that a screen moves up and down, I didn't know that, which was very helpful because I thought I was going to have to snap it off..I also thought that the window opened far wider than it actually does. It doesn't open very wide at all! No where near wide enough for an adult person to get through - which is , good ... but I needed to get in they house!

I still hadn't grasped that I wasn't going to get through the window. It took bit of struggling. And then I saw my purse. Whats in my purse? KEYS! tried to reach my purse but couldn't reach it, I looked around to see if there was a reach-ie thing and found a sprayer that had been in my way when I was still thinking I was going to climb in the window, and I was in business!

I went fishing for my purse and caught it!  And my keys weren't in it! No keys! God Damn It! Where are my Keys! And then I saw them! On the stove top! Why are they there? That's not where keys belong! They could have been knocked to the floor, The cats are evil and they do things like that, instead, they were well within sprayer reach!


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