Martha Rae, where are you!


I brwoke by twooth. My twooth. I brwoke it. Well, it broke. I was an innocent bystander. With a coke in my hand and a tootsie role in my pocket.

Actually it was pizza crust and a tooth that was looking for a way out. It’s happened before. Thank God I’m in the land of NASCAR, I’ll fit right in. I think I’ll go down to the flea market and bond with my people. We toothless lot. We’ll hang out together and trade tales of what it was like to chew our food. Sigh.

So far it doesn’t hurt, but I haven’t done anything to piss it off yet. Like eating or drinking or ironically at this point, brushing. I vote for just pulling the little bastard out. It wants to leave let it get the hell out.

But there’s that whole appearance issue. It is in the back but I’m sure its visible, or at least a huge hole would be visible. “Hi, I ain’t got no teeth, wanna date me?”

So the last time this happened, the time that was supposed to be the time this happened it cost big bucks, which was fine because I made moderately (for me) sized bucks and had few expenses so it was like a tight month. One. This time I’m looking down like tight life.

And, I brush, twice a day. I cut way down on my soda and I don’t eat that much candy anymore. I thought there was a problem on that side, but it didn’t look like a problem and I know what that problem looks like. It looked fine.

So now I am not fine. I am missing part of a tooth. I guess I should be grateful that the filling didn’t come with it because all the maximum strength ambasol in the world wouldn't fix that.

Most of the tooth is still there, I guess that’s a good sign. I don’t know where the missing part it but I can guess. Sucks to be me.

So tomorrow morning when I approach the den of the Mouth That Roars and ask her about her dentist, it’ll be fun. I know she sees a dentist frequently to keep her fangs in good working order. With my luck her dentist will be in west outer BFE. I asked Brosky about he and Alphagals D.D.S and their guy doesn’t use gas!

I need gas. I need to be really high or I am a very bad patient. And I am sure that a dentist will be thrilled to take on a new patient that needs care too. I can see it now

Hwi

May I help you?

I brwoke by twooth.

Yes.

I need to swee the doctwor.

Yes.

When can I swee the doctwor?

Are you an existing patient?

No. I brwoke by twooth and I need to swee the doctwor

Yes. I’m sorry, we aren’t taking new patients right now.

I BRWOKE BY TWOOTH!

Yes.

Can By swee the Doctwor? It’s an emwergency


Yes. Do you have an appointment?



Then I kill her over the phone and I go to jail and I get my tooth fixed.


I was really good about the whole mouth care thing too. This just sucks and you the state doesn’t consider our mouths to be important. If I wanted insurance I would have to pay $40 a month. I can’t afford $40 a month. If I’m incredibly lucky, whatever dentist I find will let me pay on installments that I won’t be to afford every month.

This just sucks. I need the tooth fairy to come from where ever she hangs out and drop some tooth fairy money on me. You know she’s rolling in it. Probably brushing with it.