Dog Daze


I had to go to the bank after work. I also needed to go to the grocery, so instead of my happy, trusting branch near work I went to the branch in my neighborhood.

Enter, Fort Apache the Bank.

Sign on metal door “One (1) Customer at a time. Wait for the Green Light To Enter”. So I wait. The green lights goes on and I enter a little metal room and walk through a metal detector right into a camera then another locked metal door swings open and I enter Oz.

It felt like the credits for Get Smart.

One of the tellers motions me forward and I walk right into another camera. Is this what it feels like to be on a reality show? I do smile at the camera when it swings around to look at me.

I think the place has been robbed. A Lot.

I guess I should feel lucky I didn’t converse with the teller through bulletproof glass – like a Stop And Rob in a bad neighborhood. Which I guess is what this branch is.

My neighborhood is not that bad. I saw lights in front of the building as I was approaching and the first thing I thought were “Damn. It got robbed. I’m going to have to go all the way to Food Lion to write a check for over”. My neighborhood store only let you write over for $5. Pfft.

Our department is taking the Mouth That Roars to lunch tomorrow and I needed cash to cover my part of her lunch. It’s too hard to figure all that out with plastic, I’m weak in math and always end up getting screwed when the check is split.

I finally get to the grocery to get Dogger more treats and butter for me. Fine. In and Out. It wasn’t to be. I also needed popcicles. I Need more popcicles. The store was also trying to get rid of some plastic bowls, plates and trays. I needed a couple of plastic bowls for kitty’s food and I don’t have a tray. I do now. $2.45. Not bad. It’s purty too.

By the time I got home Dogger was crossing her legs and doing a little dance. Kitty was just sitting on the table with his back to me. I took dog out, fed kitty, fed dogger, took dogger out again and finally, sat down and had my first Popsicle.

I have been jonesing for a little frozen juice on a stick. I love these things. There like frozen heroin. I don’t know what is really in those things but I can’t have just one (or two, or three, or four).

Today is the other day to bathe Dogger. Twice a week. She is a good sport about it, but she wonders why we were doing this again. I can see the little wheels spinning in her head

“I’m not dirty. I didn’t roll in anything, I hardly dug at all. What is with this? Can I get out now? It smells funny. Did I do something wrong? Did the cat out you up to this? I think he has a problem. He licks himself a lot. I mean, a lot. And not only where he needs to, if you get what I’m saying, “

Dogger got three bones for being such a good girl. I got two popcicles.

Five days on antibiotics, two medicated baths. More bald. More itchy. This can’t be what the vet wanted. Or maybe Dr. Gimme wants to ring even more cash out of me. I must find a new vet. A cheaper vet. A vet with a smaller boat.

If it weren’t for the Trial of the Tooth, I would have spent much more on the various animals health care then myself. The State will help you buy health insurance for your naked children, what about my furry child substitutes? I feel discriminated against.

And Poor. My shampoo only costs $3.75 a bottle and I normally only buy it on sale, so really its like $1.50 and I don’t have to use as much and I have long hair. Dogger has very short hair. Dogger is loosing what short hair she has. I am going to have to get a weave for my dog.

She’s never going to find a nice dog to settle down with, she’ll end up with a pit bull / staffordshire terrier mix and he’ll tear her throat out the first time she goes for the food dish. She’ll be all dead and bald. If she had hair she could get a nice Golden Retriever and retire to a big lake with ducks and nasty, fishy mud to role in, Waaaaah!

What am I going to do with my kitty! It’s going to cost me twice what I had originally thought. My poor kitty! What am I going to do?