Home Sweet Home Away from Home


I’m watching Brosky and Alpha Gals house and looking after their dogs. That sounds better then mooching their air conditioning, digital cable and high speed internet access House-sitting sounds like I’m vacuuming and cleaning up after myself and my dog and cat, watering plants, picking up the mail and generally making sure the house isn’t being left to the elements. Like my house is. As I was pulling out with dog and cat in the front seat, the elements were all hanging out in the drug dealers front yard, salivating.


Dog is having the second best time of her life while kitty is doing time in solitary. In his mind it’s a cell- it doubles as my bedroom - but he can’t wander the house and knock the breakables off the shelves at will, like he does at home. He is stuck in a lovely second story room with beautiful windows with views into the trees. He doesn’t want to look out the windows, he wants to come downstairs. Really, really, badly. The dogs would be thrilled. It’s not often that they get a treat like that. All the designer dog cookies on the market cannot hold a candle to kitty flavored Kitty.

Dog almost got dead baby squirrel flavored dead baby squirrel but since it wasn’t a hair squishy or one of my shoes she didn’t know what to do with it, she was so confused by this new thing in her mouth - that she gave it to me when I told her to a first. It made me think, briefly about rubbing dead baby squirrel on my shoes as a deterrent to shoe eating but then I thought it may be a deterrent to shoe wearing or even worse, shoe being in the same house with, so I scrapped the idea.

In the midst of all the dog letting out and putting in, I finally went and bought a new monitor. If Old Monitor was going to die it picked a good time to do it, ye olde Tax Holiday time. I trucked it back to my house, lugged the box inside, unpacked the box plugged that bad boy in and nothing. It turns on, I get some message that the monitor works it’s the machine that has the problem. I don’t know anything about the machine. The guys at the store popped open the front and looked inside and said everything was fine. So. Now I wait for Brosky and Alpha Gal to come back from vacation and come back over to my house and make the damn thing work. So close and yet so damn far.

Since I was feeling bad about the computerous interupptus – I bought another shower curtain. I had finally put up the kewl IKEA shower curtain and after looking after it for a few day, it decided that it really wanted to be upstairs and when it’s up there that part of it wants to be a curtain around the sink and part of it wants to hang in the window and a little bit wants to be used a decoration on the toilet bowl cover. God Forbid I stand in its way.

While I was bonding with the shower curtain, I also listened to the new curtains in the office room and they wanted sheers. I said that sheers are dated and they responded that the whole damn house is dated and that sheers in the windows are not going to date the house in the way that the phone cubby dates the house and not to talk to them about dating the house. I took a deep breath and explained that I all ready have sheers for the windows and that I while I don’t know where they are right now that I will add Find Sheers to my list of things to do and the blinds chimed in and said that they hadn’t seen that list in a while and did I have any idea where it was right now? And I said that I knew where it was and I could go get it when ever I wanted to and they said yeah, if you knew where it was … and it got ugly and words were exchanged and one thing led to another and I went out to a discount place and bought sheers. Next on the list Buy New Blinds.