Friday, August 8, 2003

Male Hygiene Products


I was surfing around yesterday on Fark.com (see link at right) and saw a story about one of the many penile enlargement or Dick Stretchers that the spammers are so wild about.

The site was hacked or other wise left with the doors wide open and the names of the customers were left lying around; not only names but job titles and locations. And there were a lot of them - 6000 of them!

And these 6000 pinky dicked guys ordered two bottles of this miracle Penis Projector at a cost of $50 a bottle. I could see a handful of Bachelor Party gag gifts or a couple of kids with daddies credit card, but 6000 people?

We are all good on the ain't no way to make Little Johnny into Big John by taking pills? Thing right? Right? The only way to make it bigger is to put it to work. 6000 people? I could market a fake product and make money too.

"Don't get fooled by imitation penile enlargement pills! They don't work and pills are girly anyway! After we cash your (your non refundable) $19.99 (+ $250.00s&h) you will receive (in 12-16 weeks) your very own Dick Stretcher™ free weights and the scientifically balanced stretch cable and Shlong Longer™ you can get start your metamorphous into the Stud you have always wanted to be!

Getting Started!

The Shlong Longer ™ weights may cause some discomfort initially, but it’s a guy thing, shake it off! When you are using your Johnson to rake the yard that will make any minor discomfort fade from your memory! The extra passenger in your shorts will sure to get you the right kind of attention all by itself, some men carry around the weight just for the chick magnet side affect, even if they don't need the extra inches!

The secret of the Shlong Longer is our patented lengthing process. A tiny surgical steel tip can be easly placed in the tip of your not long enough shlong organ. This is where you separate yourself from the boys with short johnsons and the Men with Dick Stretcher ™ longer shlongs. (if you want to the long, flowing Dick of you and your lady's dreams, you'll suck it up and get to it) A metal ring will be inserted into the tip of your penis, to this you tie the specially balance cable and weight combo, then you just go about your daily business.

Your Action In Traction!

After you get home in the evening sit back and let the Dick Stretcher ™ really get to work! After attaching the cable to the guaranteed Dick Stretcher ™ Shlong Longer™. This top secret, pentagon developed tool will lengthen and strengthen your action like no pill on the market! Attach to the SL™ and just reel the Cable until you reach the desired tension. That’s All! Sit back and watch TV, read your paper or catch a NASCAR race. Your pocket weasel will lengthen almost before your eyes! And all for $19.99! (+ $250.00 s&h)

Not For Porn Stars

This isn't mere water gain or vascular swelling - this is the real deal! You can add feet to your length! Your action will be longer, stronger and better conditioned then ever before. This is not for guys with an average dick; this is for men with real problems, borderline medical problems with their extra teeny peinnys. This will absolutely work or (none) of your money back!

We Understand

Ladies, does your mans action need some extra attention? Have you had to ask if he was done yet? Have you used his member to pin up the drapes or used it as a bookmark? We can help!"



Yeah. Help empty wallets. How dumb do you have to be for these things to work on you? How insecure? And if you are that insecure, why bother, you aren't going to show it around anyway.

Maybe I'll bypass the spamming and work on creating a Miracle™ Jock.

2 comments:

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