How To Teach Your Dog To Play Sports



Dogs are natural sportsmen. Most dogs, most realdogs, are all about chasing balls. And what are sports but the chasing of balls? Dogger could so this. She loves her toy balls. I think I have potential half time act, screw Britney, these should be our gigs.

So. I said to myself. Dogger could play sports! I could play sports with Dogger! We could be big! Maybe the whole non-grant producing wetlands thing isn’t as big a blow as I thought it was (I am now thinking of making the space a living museum to the Dust Bowl and its affects on the environment. I’m going to say my dead snake died of thirst, what? They didn’t have the Dust Bowl here, what would they know from Dust Bowl. I’m in, trust me.) I was sure that Dogger and I could so this. We work well together, she eats my stuff, I chase her around the living room, she chews up and abandons my stuff, I pretend she gave it back because I asked. It’s a partnership

How To Teach Your Dog Soccer

1. Buy a soccer ball.
2. Buy another soccer ball when your dog deflates the first ball.
3. Clean the back yard of dog bombs.
4. Clean the back yard of dog bombs again
5. Explain the rules of soccer.
6. Look up the rules of soccer.
7. Decide that Doccoer will have it’s own rules.
8. Kick ball into neighbors yard. Donate ball to neighbors dog.
9. Kick ball onto roof. Buy new ball.
10.Get ball away from dog.
11.Explain to dog about passing ball to teammates
12. Explain to dog about fouling the field and the concept of “carding”.
13. Discover that A/C unit is not a suitable goalie.
14. Call A/C repairman.


How To Teach Your Dog To Play Basketball

1. Watch Air Bud with Dog.
2. Buy Basketball.
3. Introduce dog to ball.
4. Peel Dog from leg
5. Explain that the large orange ball is a friend.
6. Pull dog from under shrub.
7. Let Dog sniff ball.
8. Retrieve dog from roof of shed.
7a. Rewatch Air Bud with out Dog. Look for signs of animatronics. Curse.
9. Teach dog to dribble.
10.Use Mercurochrome on wounds.
10a. Make a note to discuss the principles of Good Sportsmanship with dog
11.Teach dog fundamentals of game.
12.Admit to dog you don’t know the fundamentals of the game.
13. kick basketball across yard. Think that you could have been a contender.
14. Walk Dog to park to watch other people play basketball, hope for inspiration, hope dog has brought pen and paper to take notes.
15. Cooperate when asked to remove dog from gymnansium.
15a. Explain to dog about personal fouls.
15b. Retreat to tennis courts, get inspired. Tennis!! Doennis!! Cute clothes! Matching headbands and collars! Sweatbands for Dogs! Ralf Lauren designer tennis skorts for canine players!
16. Dog peels tennis ball. Throws up.



Dog decides that her sport is track, prefers eating my shoes and doing 15 foot wind sprints with the cat.