The Hurricane Is Coming! The Hurricane is Coming!!!



Isabel . What to do what to do first? make lists? or get down to action? Put some thought into it or run around like some sort of crazy person? I don’t know. How far away are they saying it is? and where is it supposed to make landfall now?

Someone at work said that we were to be west of it, we’ll be away from the wind. How the hell does she know? What Does That Mean? West of it? West of what? Hell? La, la, la. I can’t hear you. I’m in my happy place

The news is full of very dark prophecies. Mean words. Destruction, wind speeds, flash flooding, High Seas, Lose of property, Floyd, Fran, Camille, Ya’ll all gonna die!

I went to the flea market on Saturday to see what there was for me to not spend my money on. Right. There were many things for me to spend my money on. I was going through a tool tent to see if there was anything that I recognized and that I might need, (Dear Santa, please bring me a chain saw, a weed whacker and a shop vac. Love, Diana) I passed by a displays of gas powered chain saws, heavy duty tape, nail guns, spray paint and propane stoves with a hand printed sign that read Isabelle Is Coming.

Today, over lunch, I went with one of my friends to get her chain saw sharpened. La la la. The hardware store had handy displays set up to make me feel like I am going to die unless I give them a lot of money. Lanterns, cases of bottled water, batteries, generators, gas cans, little grills, big sheets of plywood, rope, heavy duty plastic, more batteries, more flashlights. La, la, LA.

So. I come home and immediately cleared the decks. All the patio furniture, racks, shovels, assorted crap, chairs, chair pads, wreath from the door, plant containers but not all the planters as some of my plants are still alive. I want them to keep going to the bitter end when I will probably through them bodily into the trash if the wind hasn’t all ready spirited them away and smashed them. La, LA, LA.

To chill myself out I took Dogger for a walk. I saw lots of deck furniture, planters, yard art, junk cars and other assorted future shrapnel just sitting there. No one was taking it inside, no one was out there battening down the hatches or reinforcing anything. Nothing. Death Comes on the wind, you asshats!

All I know about hurricanes I learned from a Scholastic Book Club book on Hurricane Camille. A children’s book about disaster, how nice. I learned to put things up. These people can write their owns books about hurricanes and they are doing nothing. Hunch or Hubris?

As I walked down my street, with all my hurricane experienced neighbors. Old hands at this storm business. Nothing. Deck furniture, planters, yard art. Just sitting there. Ready to launch. Do these people not watch TV? Do they not go to the store? Has no one mentioned anything to them?! “ Hey Bob, how’s it going? Your yard looks great! Love those bedding plants! By the By, How are you for propane? You good for bottled water?”

I come from tornados. You get between none and a tiny little bit of warning before they step on your house and launch you and everything you own into the stratosphere.

In these parts we get days of warning. They know when it’s going to hit, roughly. Thursday afternoon, The Outerbanks. That is several hours from here, but the storm is going to move inland. It will be here. Soon. La, la, la.

And they haven’t moved their stuff in yet. I’m out there making life and death decisions for my plants and everyone else is, is Not. Are they trying to kill me? Does no one else place value on my windows? They are all retired. I guess in theory they could be whipping around doing everything while I’m at work. But I want them to whip around while I can see what they’re doing . I need to know hurricane preparedness whipping around . I need to know how freaked out I need to be. Very freaked out? Should I be pissing myself? Obliviously not. No on else is. A little freaked out? should I be checking my blood pressure and pacing around? Just freaked out? Drink a beer and wait for Armageddon? LA Freaking LA

I’m trying to think of things I need to do ahead of time. We may, HA! We will lose power. So. The refrigerator needs my attention. I had family here while back and I had left overs. Did I mention it was a while back? My left overs have started their own families and even they are starting little furry choirs and practicing “Nearer My Lard To Thee”.

The freezer. To throw away now or wait till later? If I don’t recognize it now? Should I get rid of it before it thaws out and reminds me? What if nothing happens and I’ve thrown out and cleaned up for no reason? I sacrificed, and ate a frozen pizza I was saving for a rainy day.



Isabel Is Coming La.