1984, 1985, 1986…

I’ve been hypnotized by VH1. I’ve been splayed out in my living room watching I heart the 80s or whatever. Before that came on I watched something on the S.S on the History Channel, I needed to chill out a little. A( feeling very mellow and relaxed and then they messed it up by trotting Ronald Reagan across my screen. Eww.

So. 1984. I remember 1984. I was a High School freshman. Again with the Eww. Thanks VH1.

But anyway. Miami Vice, Bruce Springsteen, Transformers. One weekend while I was still in Junior College I went to visit a couple of friends at their school. They both had dates the night I got there so they set me up with a guy they thought I would have a lot in common with in, they thought that because we both wrote for our high school newspapers we would have so much in common and blah, blah, blah. He wore a cape and he had a Transformer fort in his dorm room. I think that if I had been a really nice person I would have drowned him.

Wow, I didn’t realize that Prince was 1984. In High School we had a stereo in the girls locker room, or rather, when the athletic dressing room had been left open we stole the tape player from the athletic girls dressing room and it had the Prince tape stuck in it. We listened to Darling Nicki everyday when we were dressing out for gym. I’m sure the boys dressing room had Prince himself performing liveand heat. They gave us a hard time because we came out to the gym wearing all these layers of clothing and they were in shorts and tee shirts. Bastards. Title What?

Awww. Cindy Lauper. I liked her. The first time I heard She Bop I was visiting my grandmother in San Francisco and I was listening to a pre - Walkman™ radio and I found that song. I thought I had a found a Chinese radio station and that Chinese was much closer to English then I thought, cause, ya know she? How universal?! I had no idea. Took me years to learn it was about masturbation. I Touch Myself was so not as cool.

And all that other 80s crap. Those kids toys. I didn’t do those. I was too old. I never had a My Little Pony or a Strawberry Short Cake I thought those were gross, Holly Hobby was what it was about. I didn’t like seeing little girls walking around with Strawberry Shortcake tee shirts. I didn’t like making little kids into consumers or like that. I of course went on to work for Barney, so .

That whole child as consumer thing was old school bull shit though and why Ebay is so popular. The 1950s were all about marketing the characters to children. It just seemed so much more crass in the 80s. Everything was crass in the 80s.

I can’t get way from this. I am paralyzed on front of this show. I have things to do. The dog needs to be walked, the laundry needs me. I need to clean the cat box. I can’t! I need to know what Hal Sparks and Michael Ian Black think about The Cosby Show! I need to be validated by various cast members of Six Feet Under and Ed!

It has been hours. The whole decade didn’t take this long. I can’t sit here but I can’t get up. I am their prisoner.

All this stuff wasn’t as interesting then. I hated all the stuff they are talking about . It really isn’t interesting now. If I want to watch John Hughes movies, I can watch them. I guess it is nice to know that other people crushed on Andrew McCarthy. And they totally over look Some Kind of Wonderful and it is such a great movie. I should not need some guy on some cable show on some cable channel I don’t even get , to tell me that “yes, that movie was good” - But I really need Hal Sparks to agree they were good movies. I also need Punky Brewster to agree as well. I hated her show. Big Time. I hated everything. I was mad at James Watt.

Madonna? I was watching the VMAs or the MTV Awards or whatever it was when she did her whole Like A Virgin schtick. I remember all those little white trash wannabes and their 47 plastic bracelets and lace crap and I thought they sucked. I did not get it. I didn’t buy Like A Virgin until years later. Now I’m watching all this shit and getting all gauzy and back lit about the whole thing.

Okay, changing the subject. If the little old ladies house across the street has a great big funeral spray on the front porch, Does this mean she may be dead? Are the eight cars parked in front a give away? Am I really thick? I don’t remember there being a funeral spray on my grandparents front porch when my grandfather died. Hmmm.