Back To The Back Yard


I have to go into my back yard. I try to give Dogger her privacy, the yard is her space and frankly, she isn’t doing a very good job with it. It has even less grass then it had before. I think my yard is a boy yard. It seems to be suffering from male pattern baldness. I wonder if Propica™ makes a lawn fertilizer.

I had been hoping that Dog was back there maybe doing some gardening, planting some bedding plants, doing something with the iris plants back there. They really need to be separated or whatever it is you do with old iris plants when you do things with old iris plants. They hardly bloom.

I would have also hoped that Dog might have been picking up after herself. You work and you work to get the animal house trained and they repay you by shitting all over the yard. She doesn’t even try to cover it up or bag it up or anything. The cat at least buries his. I guess, in theory I could go out there and dispose of her droppings but that would include me going into the yard. All the way into the yard. Not just standing at the gate or at the bottom of the stairs. Going into the actual yard. Ick.

The yard was relatively nice when I took custody of the house. It actually had grass when I moved in. It had grass until Dog started to spend more time out there and ate all the grass. I did try to reseed last spring but the rain dispersed the seed and I ended up with a green driveway – as my drive way is paved, this was not the outcome I was hoping for.

The easiest outcome for the yard now would be to pave the whole damn thing. Dog wouldn’t approve and I don’t think the nice neighbors would either. It would also make it even hotter then it gets now. It would also end up flooding my basement more often then it floods now. As much as I like launching boats from the top of the laundry machine and watching bugs drown … repeated flooding can’t be good for the house

The first thing I should do for the yard would be to rake it. But I don’t like raking and since I have not liked picking up after the dog – I don’t want to think about what would end up getting raked. Also, blisters and I have very nice work gloves. So far I have kept them nice by not actually working with them, I’m saving them for good. You never know when you will have a call for dressy work gloves and I will to be prepared for that eventuality.


So.

The yard sits and stews. And hatches more mosquitoes. Despite the fact that there is nowhere for them to mature or whatever they do before they burst out of their little coffins and suck our blood. Vlad the inhaler. So, full of shit, no grass and home to Mosquito U. Charming.


Dog does her best to make sure that whatever I do back there gets destroyed immediately. She very happily undigs whatever I have buried and will keep unburying it as fast as I can get the dirt back into it. She is very patient. She can wait the whole ten to fifteen seconds it takes me to get back into the house before she gives in and puts it back asunder.

… and then I look out my window at my nice looking dirt patch, see what she has done, shriek at her through the window, go back outside, grab my shovel, scream at her in person and fill the hole again. Get all lathered up, rinse my hands of the whole thing, repeat.

Have a good Weekend!