Lassie Needs To Call Me



Dogger did a cute thing today. Yesterday I tried to take her for her walk but she was threw a temper tantrum and we didn’t even clear the drug dealers yard. It was embarrassing, my dog freaked out in front of the pot heads, junkies and low lives. She is normally very good in front of the pot heads, junkies and lowlifes. She’s kind enough to save her freak outs for the privacy of my living room. Anyway, today we successfully cleared our yard and went the other way down our street, I think she gets upset by something at the drug dealers. I think she’s embarrassed now, to walk in front of the pot heads, junkies and lowlifes.

So away we go, she did her Disco Dog thing as we crossed the street, I’m catching on to her Disco Dog act and I’m trying to remember to shorten her leash before we start across streets. It works, she still dances but she also chokes herself in the process. I hoping that enough bad dance experiences will sour her on the art form. I think pottery would be a better way for her to express herself.


Okay so we go to the post office so I can pay my visa bill and we head back to the house. Plenty of Disco opportunities for Dogger only two actual dance routines! Pulling back hard on the leash really works. Looking on the positive side, I think that the freak outs make her look all fierce and uncontrollable. Very Scary. Screw with me and I will sick my big Disco Dancing Dog on you. Just try me,pot heads, junkies and lowlifes!

We’re about half way back to the house and I tell Dogger to “Go Home”. I let my arm loose and let her lead. She choose the exact route we had taken on the way out. Not our familiar route past the dead gas station and down past the drug dealers house. I just said “Home, Home. Go to the house” and she did! She was so good.

I’m thinking that if I ever get shot in a drive by or get hit by a stray bullet, I could just gasp “Home, Home” and she would go there. She did want to lunge in front of traffic, but after I made her sit down she really looked both ways before she lunged the next time. I think she could be Lassie. A big, dumb, Disco Dancing Lassie.

I could be laying there bleeding from a stray bullet and she may very well run home. Right into traffic, but she would go in the right direction. I don’t know what she would do when she got there. “Go to the nice neighbors and have them call the police or something”. I may have to work on that part. “Okay, girl! Run to the neighbors, you know, the nice ones? Okay! And tell them Mama got shot and needs help? Okay? Can you do that? Good Girl!”. Maybe I could go with giving her the keys and having her run home and call the cops from my house. She might need to develop a prehensile thumb. Maybe she could use her Dew Claw. It’s just sitting around doing nothing most of the time. It’s like a little thumbette – y thing.

When I’m not thinking about ways my dog could alert the neighbors or call an ambulance for me, I think about that it was not warm this morning. It seems like it is fall.

This is the furthest east I have lived and when I first moved here the short days in the fall and winter were a surprise. I remember one time I looked outside and saw how dark it was. I thought it must be really late and I needed to get my stuff done before I went to bed. So I hurried up and cleaned the cats box and did my little night time chores, changed clothes, picked out my stuff for the next day all that. I got all this done and finally checked the clock. It was like 8:30. Dayum