What A Pretty Day! Go To The Lake? Nah! I Think I’ll Mow The Lawn Instead!



Do you know why single people get married? Why they go through the hell of dating? It’s not to have sex, it’s not because they are ready for a relationship or they are looking for love. They are tired of doing all the damn work around the house themselves. They are tired of having to mow the lawn and vacuum the living room.

You know. One or the other. Mow or vacuum. Not both. Same skill sets, same basic job. Big loud machine power issues - if you don’t pull the cord out you run out of gas. They are both annoying. You can rock your allergies to grass and dust. Different environments same issues. I am tired of doing both. I shouldn’t do both on the same day. It upsets me.

One person mows the lawn the other person vacuums the carpet. I don’t mind doing one or the other. I resent doing them both.

You can vacuum whenever but you can only mow the lawn some of the time . You get more “points” for mowing. Its hot, you get sweaty, you can’t do it naked. You can’t mow at 7 am, or when it’s raining or dark or when you’re naked. You can vacuum first thing in the morning or late at night or when you’re naked. And you have to mow. You can blow off vacuuming until you have to pull out a rake or something bites you. No one can see how long it’s been since you last vacuumed, unless they are looking through your curtains and then they have issues and you have a reason to call 911 and you still don’t really have to vacuum cause the cops don’t care. They assume slovenliness. But the neighbors can tell it’s been two weeks since you last mowed.

You can only mow when it’s nice out. Why do you want to waste a nice day mowing? Nice days aren’t for mowing. Until you buy a house. No more nice days for you! No more laying out for you, no more heading out to the lake, no more lazy weekends for you bub. There are only good days to work outside. After you have worked outside all day you don’t want to vacuum. The neighbors can’t see what condition the living room is in. Watch TV in the dark and you won’t have to either.

One person mows the lawn the other person vacuums the carpet. I don’t mind doing one or the other. I resent doing them both.

I’ve looked around and noticed that I’m not alone in the house. There are two other entities in the house and they are not picking up the slack. I feed them they should at least sort the magazines or something.

Kitty does more then Dogger does. Kitty will from time to time dust. He maneuvers under the furniture and behind things. He kills bugs in the basement and possibly upstairs too. I don’t want to know. He does spread his box dust around and I hate feeling it under foot. I’ve talked to him about this, we’ve had meetings. He won’t pull out the dust broom and clean it up. Lazy bastard.

Dogger is completely useless. She won’t come when she’s called, and she won’t scrub the bathtub. I hope Puppy school takes care of this. She only participates in keeping the house tidy through indirect action. I have to bath her, Kitty of course bathes himself, but he’s a cat. Anyway. After Doggers bath the bathroom floor is soaked and I have to wipe it up. I bath Dogger about twice a month. My kitchen floor doesn’t get a good cleaning that often. Actually, Dogger does cause the kitchen floor to be mopped on occasion. But I still have to mop it. Not Dogger. This doesn’t count, causing me to clean is not helping. Mopping the floor or toweling off the bathroom floor myself is not helping me clean. It is causing me to clean. Dogger doesn’t not do the cleaning herself.

Advantage Kitty.