Dear Santa


With Apologies to Tiffany and her great site Blown Fuse ( edited to fix link and suggest you follow the link to your right under Blogs of Note, Tiffanys site is most note worthy) . I present my letter to Santa.

Um. O/T But first. They are trying to sell some hair rollers called Jelly Rolls? And suggest we get into jelly rolling? Do they not know what jelly role is slang for? Geeze. The culturally literate don’t even try to pretend.

okay

Dear Santa,

Hi. How are you? I am fine. As you know I have been a very good girl this year.

More or less.

So, here is my list. It’s not a list of demands or requests, think of it as suggestions and it certainly doesn’t mean that I expect all these things, or have any expectations of receiving any of them. Look at it as a road map – but not that road map , a totally do-able road map.

First off, I want an automatic cat box that doesn’t also double as a Kitty Disposal, thus scaring Kitty into pissing on my floors or make Kitty think that I don’t trust him to use the box, thus pissing Kitty off , and leading to piss on my floors. I would really like it if you could arrange for a private tutor to teach Kitty to use the toity and flush it. If this is not possible, Kitty deserves something really nice, like a very nice person to come to the house several times a day to clean out his box. For Free. Kitty likes a clean box.

Since we’re talking about Kitty. I would also like it if you could arrange for Kitty to sit down and glue together my chicken vase that he broke last week. He really smashed it and I would like it to be in one piece again, I think this can be done and I think Kitty has the time to do it of not the dexterity. So, better manual dexterity for Kitty.

Now, onto Dogger. I think Dogger could use some more toys. She is very excited about the tree limbs in the backyard that she has been using as toys, I would like her to have real toys. And to stop digging the water feature she has started. So, some big toys, like a jungle gym she can take apart or an obstacle course! That’s what she needs! Something to exercise her mind and her body! Something to make her less bored and more entertained and not entertained in the way she is by my hair squishys, which I also keep finding in the back yard, again, not actually toys. She needs toys that keep her attention, not like the basket ball that scares her and she won’t play with. A toy that won’t scare her and she can’t destroy – like the tree limbs only less like a tree and more like a toy. An attractive toy. Yard Art!! A dog toy cum yard art!

If Dogger could take herself out and clean up after herself that would be really great. Or if that is not a possibility, she could be taught how wear a little grass seed scatter-er to scatter grass seed while she’s out there. A little doggy nap sack thing! she could be Doggy Grass Seed! Maybe she could be made into a Landscaper or at least go to Landscaper school. If she could get to where she would only chew the shrubs into shapes instead of just chewing them and mow the yard, instead of just running it down and instead of inadvertently digging up the irises maybe she could learn how to separate the plants and re-plant them? That would be cool.

I also want a Wet Dry Shop Vac. It doesn’t have to do any tricks or toilet itself or do any yard work, it just has to vac. That would be very nice.


Sincerely,

Diana, Dogger and Kitty.