Pup and Circumstance


Last day of Puppy school. Sigh. Oh the wistful memories of days gone by.


I remember when Dogger didn’t know how to heel, sit, stay or lay down on command. I remember when she pulled my arm out of socket on our walks. Ahhh. Last weekend, I remember it well.

No, really. She can do those things. She sits, more or less stays and will lay down. She won’t stay down but I now know her legs bend that way. Tonight we really didn’t do anything. The two remaining dogs went through their paces for the trainer. Dogger did so well! She’s great in class and she’ll do anything for the trainer. She will do those things for me but not with an audience. For the trainer, anything. He needs her to set the table? Not a problem! Go to the store and pick up ingredients for tonight’s dinner? Done! For me? she sees another person while we’re walking and she goes into her break dance routine and shows her ass. It’s very embarrassing. The minute. She notices someone noticing her – it’s all over. She grabs her leash and leads me on some sort of dog ball room dance thing that she seems to really get a lot out of. I get dizzy and pissed. And this is always for an audience, very little chance for me to do anything about it. I don’t feel comfortable shrieking at her in public, in my neighborhood that might trigger a 911 call and I don’t want to explain to some K9 cop that my dog won’t behave while his dog is in the car checking his email.

There is the second part of Puppy School, now officially called Obedience School - these dogs aren’t puppies any more. I want to go to these but this class is all on leashes again and Dogger has all ready shown that she will do almost anything on a leash. I need her to do anything when she’s off leash. Eating my hair squishys and shredding paper while on leash is not one of her problems. Ignoring me around the house and behaving like she doesn’t know better is one of her problems. Why can’t she remember or even try to practice her skills when she isn’t on leash? On leash “sit” and she’s down like a rock, ”down” on the leash? The Hilton Sisters don’t go down as fast. It’s maddening. I really don’t want to spend the rest of her life with a house full of toddler gates. Have I mentioned how much I do not love playing Keep Away From Mommy? or Round and Round the Dinner Table?

But.

I also don’t want to send her to some sort of Doggy Concentration camp. I don’t need her to fetch ducks I need her to not eat my hair squishys.

And speaking of the last day of class, I wanted a diploma! I wanted something to hang up next to my Star Of the Month from the seventh grade, a three year old Employee Of The Month from my last job and my diploma. My three accomplishments to date.

I had a place all picked out for it too. I thought that a tasteful ceremony would have been in order. Dogger would have looked stunning in a graduation gown and for her big finish, she could have shredded her diploma. A big doggy Kodak™ moment.

I was really proud of her though. She did do all her tasks both for me and the trainer. She sat, stayed, heeled, laid down and got all focused on me while the trainer watched. The Sheppard’s mother even asked me how I made her do that! I was like “Oh. Its just hard work and repetition and she is a whore for BilJac™, the scent is on my fingers and she’ll follow that scent anywhere”, she looks great when she does it though, makes her looks at like she’s heeling just for the shear joy of doing as she’s told. She would blissfully follow Biljac™ into war.