Kitsched Off

Don’t think less of me because I know what size clothing my dog wears.

I was feeling bad for Dogger, every night we go on our walk and I put my parka on and my gloves and some times a scarf and Dogger goes out naked. True, she does have fur working for her, but it’s short fur and her whole belly is pink and exposed. Poor Dogger! All pink and exposed! and I go out and look like the Michelin Man. I don’t expose my pinkness to the elements why should she?

So I did some homework, I looked online, then off line at various pet supply places and the products I looked at had in common was price and tackiness and hoods. Hoods! For dogs!, Dogs don’t like hoods, or cow prints or fake fur. They also don’t care what teams you follow. Dogs are not fashion victims. Ultimately, they all had Tackiness and Big prices in common. Big prices for less then a yard of fabric, an expensive yard of fabric that was probably going to end up being peed on. So. I had to expand my search.

What is small? What is washable? What is made to be beaten up? What can I find cheap?

Children’s Clothing. Used children’s clothing. More specifically, a used child sized coat. Goodwill to the rescue. Hmmm, a coat would have sleeves and people arms are significantly longer then dog arms. Even, child arms are longer then dog arms. This is problematic, last winter, Dogger expressed a strong disinterest in wearing sleeves when I put one of my sweat shirts on her. She was fine, I was cold. I am always cold. She’s just lucky I haven’t found a pair of long johns for her. The winter is still young though and I am always cold.

So back to the coat, it was looking like the coat was going to have to be a vest.

Did you know that there are literally thousands of choices of used children’s vests to be found at your average Goodwill? Polar fleece, fake polar fleece, quilted, flannel, quilted flannel, sleeveless parkas. It’s very dizzying.

Dogger ended up with a lovely light blue polar fleece vest. We go back to Puppy School tonight and I want her to look her best.

Conversation with my Alumni Association

Them - We noticed that your membership has run out .

Me – really?

Them - We have several levels of membership
(blah, blah school spirit, supporting scholarships, blah, a plaque, blah, school teams!, web site access and lists of where your friends are! a free alumni association tee shirt!, blah, blah) Gold Club Level - $500

Me – Phht. What do you have in plastic?
( and can I still get a tee shirt? And as to lists of my friends? If I need you to keep track of where my friends are? I don’t think we’re still friends)

Them – ( very seriously) we don’t have anything in plastic. If you do not want to go with the Gold Club we have the Silver Club for $250.

Me – Yeah. Um, No. Is it all precise metals? How about aluminum?
( and can I get a tee shirt?!)

Them – (confused) Aluminum? No we don’t have that level. You can pay in installments?

Me – No. I can’t.

Them – There is our most popular level. The Captains Level, for $50.

Me – Sigh. No. How long are these memberships good for?

Them – One Year.

Me – When I joined before I graduated it was $10 and it was good for, like, ever and I got a bra for my license plate .

Them - I don’t know about that.

Me – Good Bye.

Click

I was going to get a fabulous $14.99 Moose Head for my wall. Those bastards sold out! What the hell? Sold out? A smallish, plastic, felt covered Moose Head? Dayum. How did I miss out on this? Why Gawd Why! I needed it for the whole Cabin – Outdoorsy theme! I have been thwarted in my pursuit of cabin – y outdoorsy theme kitsch!