Lucked Out


I came home from work, changed clothes grabbed Dogger and went for our walk. This went fine. We saw, we walked , we did our thing . One of us danced for a passer by – every day stuff.

We headed home. I took my keys out of the pocket of my coat and began to tell Dogger tales of how her kibble is waiting for her and how nice it will be for them to see each other again. Dogger and I have a lot of conversations.

So I get to my door, insert the key and precede to run into the door. Hokay. Trying again, Insert key, turn a bit, spin all the way around, fail to open door. I put Dogger in the yard as the door was starting to work my nerves and I need both hands free to properly work back.

I left with out leaving any lights on, because that would have been too much like right and it would have made it so much easier to see that the dead bolt is a dead bolt.

But I am not going to give up! I have more doors! I have at least one that should open.

Should Open. Wouldn’t Open. Not when I unlocked it, not when I pushed against it, not when I yanked on it, not when I cussed at it. It made me happy to know that even a burglar with a key wasn’t going to be able to get into this house. Well, Great. I can’t get in either!

There is a door downstairs. It’s barred . Don’t laugh. If you lived in my neighborhood you would bar your doors too. So door number one hates me, door number two also with the hate and door number three is blocked from the inside. It’s dark, it’s cold and Dogger wants dinner. 15 minutes ago.

The neighborhood stray cats come by to see what all the commotion is about. They are wondering if all the commotion is about putting food out for them. So while I am trying to break into my own house I have a flock of cats weaving in and out of my feet, whining.

So back and forth between my two choices. Yanking and banging on one and then yanking and banging on the other. Someone should have called the cops by now. It is not getting lighter out.

There is the breaking a window option. I don’t like this option. I’ve um, had to break in before this way when I locked my self out the last time. With out my damn keys and the breaking a window option sucks.

The last time I also had my cell with me.

Finally. The damn front door finally opened. It’s odd how if you have the damn key and the damn key actually fits into the damn lock that then the damn lock then allows the damn door to open, and how the damn door actually opens! That it only takes 132 damn tries to get it to open.


So now I have one door I can’t open, one door that won’t open and one door that shouldn’t open.

But I got in. Dogger got her dinner only a half hour late and the flock of kitties got their dinner too. Kitty was not happy about that. Tough, he should have opened the damn door.

I did get kind of a smile yesturday. The Nominal Boss was told by our new Very Big Boss that she ( NB and I) and needed to go and visit some of the other divisions and see how efficient, tidy and well run their file rooms are – because mine is such a chaotic nightmare and it must be because I am inefficient, disorganized and lazy . Oddly, as it turns out, I have more paper, fewer cabinets and less room then any of them. I already knew that, now the NB knows that too.