The More You Know


While I was waiting at the check out at the grocery store, there were only two lines available – one there was a line and the other was one of those new fangled check – yourself line, and I am not groovy enough for that yet. Neither were most of the people in the store. So I had to wait.

And wait in front of the newsstand I did. In front of the Weekly World News stand. What they won’t print in the main stream papers!

I had to buy the rag because they had a story about the alleged Worlds Fattest Cat. I really question their research on this as the story was not about Kitty.

Poor World’s kinda Fattest Kitty! He got smushed by his new 600 pound owner. Fortunately for WkFK, there was a team of brave vets handy to air him up and get him back on his dew flaps in no time despite the fact that the Worlds Flattest Kitty flat lined midway through the procedure. Sadly, the kitty now has the figure of a flounder. Her grateful owner claims not to care about her kitty’s new lithe look. I have a story almost like this, except it’s about a dachshund, a blanket and an over stuffed actor. I was working in theatre several years ago and was crewing a show that featured a dachshund. It was really cold back stage and the poor little dog was all but naked. We had a couch back there and someone took pity on the dog and stole a blanket from props for him. The little dogs leash would get tired to one of the couch feet and he would jump up on the couch and curl up under the blanket. One night a good sized actor came back stage and threw himself on the couch - All we saw was the dogs leash up under the blanket. There was some hushed squealing about it until the dogs owner brought little dog in from the parking lot.

What else what else? Oh, Satan has his own web site. I don’t see that as a big shock. You always knew that Microsoft was evil? Well, it isn’t the Big Evil. Satan hired a web designer, who says that in exchange for hooking the devil up with the site, he is going to enjoy worldly bliss and immortality. How does the devil win here? Doesn’t he want souls? If the guy lives forever, how will he end up in hell? He might have failed to read the boiler plate on the contract but he got himself a way cool site. It has a forum that only is open to trolls, a searchable database to see who’s who in Hades, a chat room, and the site features a guest book guaranteed to be read by the site owner! And there are even more exciting add on’s coming soon, including an online application to hand over your soul! The FCC has been notified but until the Big Evil messes with Shrubs daddy, there isn’t much the feds can do.

Speaking of federal involvement. The pentagon is creating super soldiers by cross breeding with Chimps! It’s all about "gene splicing and other advanced techniques that we didn’t have back in the 50s when such cross breeding schemes were popular at the pentagon". I guess that in the 1950s chimps were seen as strongly anti-commie. But it was all pie in the sky thinking then. And you thought the administration was all about promoting marriage between hets! No, in fact it's about marriage between sapiens – but of course, not between homosexualhomo sapiens!, cause ya know, Shrub don't like that - Warm up your voters registration card now people! Get it together or get it on with Bubbles.