Talk With The Animals


2:15 am


shred, shred, tear, rip

mmrphKitty? Come see me.

Mweep?

Come See me.

womp, womp, thud my fur beach ball bounces onto the bed and on my throat.

Ow! I said come See me not come suffocate me move!

MOVE

Puuuuur?

Over there!

Mwreeef!

Okay. From my throat to my chest.

Meep Meep purrrrrrrrr!

Do you want food? Food for you? Hokay. Food For you. Move so I can get up. Food For you?

Mewuurrrphhh

I get up go downstairs, oh, look it’s still dark. Good. I hate getting up early. I’d like to think of this as going to bed very late. I find the kitchen, blind myself with the light and put more food into his bowl. What?, you all ready have food? What? Where are you?

Fine! Stomp back upstairs. Stub toe on bed, back to bed. Ahhhh bed. Damn Cat. Zzzzzzzz.

shred, shred rip!

ZzzzzzzWot?!

3:45 am

Slidey, Slidey, roll

Huhmumph, Kitty. Come see me, come see me!

tip, tip, toss, rattle

Go To Sleep!

If I ignore him long enough he will stop. He will run out of things to break. Okay. Get out of bed, stub my toe on the bed again and retrieve Kitty from shelves.

See Kitty? Sleepy sleepy! Lay down with mummy. Sleepy Sleepy!

Rrrrrrrwwrh

Just lay down. Mmmmm. See nice bed, beddy,beddy bed, next to Mummy, see? Mmmmmm.

Rrrrhhhhhhhhhhfft!

OW! FU-

Tip, Toss, shatter

CK!

What do you want?! I fed you! Is it your box? Is your box not clean enough? I cleaned it this, er, yesterday morning!

Shred, tear, rip…

6:45 am

Blearily I read my paper. The paper would be less bleary if there wasn’t a cat stretched out across it.

Now? you love me? Now? you are being all cute and kitty like? I fed you all ready. Go Away.

Mee, Mee, Puuuurrrrrrrrr?

How can a cat so big make such small noises? You are soooo cute.

Meeep!

I fed you. You have food. Do you not like your food? Is it not fresh enough for you?

Meeeeeep, Mulph, Puuuuuurrrrrrrrrrr, head butt, head butt


Awwww! Mummy’s itty bitty kitty witty! Fresh food for you!