Fear And Loathing On The Campaign Trail 2004

So I got this notice in the mail the other day. This is a first for me. I checked and I have received about 500 emails about the election, 120 from Dean, 51 from the Democratic National Convention, 154 from Kerry, 231 “Other” , 1 from Kuchi-whatever, not one from any of the other candidates. I was surprised that Kerry had sent so many. I thought Dean had sent the most. If you’re interested, they all started on or around the middle of June 2002. God knows how many before I started joining mailing lists.

My first election season snail mail came from my county Democratic party, it was informing me of upcoming dates of things, election things, really important yet, really boring things. North Carolina things. There must have a primary at some point in the near future. I think I saw somewhere it’s the summer, late summer maybe. They want to get ready now.

One of the dates is about the precinct meeting:

Join other democrats in your neighborhood for the start of the 2004 campaign! Help develop your precincts plan to get out the vote in 2004. Also elect delegates to the This County’s Democratic Party County Convention, consider resolutions ( which I read as Revolutions – I thought, Whoa! These democrats don’t play!), and other business.

Gosh. How very exciting. After that can we all go downtown to John Edwards office, hold hands and sing Clay Aiken tunes? Dayum. Politics is awfully exciting.

The next bit on the mailing was about the NC presidential caucus in April. I know nothing about politics on this level. I know that caucusi are important, and things are decided there, but can we do it later in the morning? It starts at 8 Ayam! on a Saturday! they must be out of their minds. Shit. How can anyone be alert enough to make Big Choices at that hour, on a Saturday! I should be finding out how many delegates North Carolina has and when the actual primary is, and if we all ready had it and I missed it. There were a whole lot last week.

It is really sad that everything I know about the process of electing a president I learned from Hunter S. Thompson? I mean, there is the cool factor, Hunter S. Thompson!, dayum. I’ve read Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 1972, many, many and yes, many times.

I know that book so well I all ready had an idea how it was all going to come out. Dean was going to take the McGovern part. Big machine, lots of your volunteers, big ideas. Dean had a huge machine and it seemed to be skewing young. Dean was going to keep the machine going, he was going to win the primaries easily. McGovern had a terrific machine and an army of new pissed off first time voters roaring to go and willing to do almost anything for the candidate.

I had been getting emails from the Dean team since June 2003. A huge number, all of them breathlessly begging for cash, exhorting me to attended Meet Ups and Dean Parties where we would write letters to undecided voters and hear our candidate tell us to press ever foreword.

I didn’t go.

I didn’t give him any money. After a couple of hounded pleading emails and an early morning Christmas Eve call from the DNC, I sent them $10.

Nothing for Dean. I was afraid he’d flame out. He was McGovern! After all , He was supposed to lose spectacularly to Nixon in November! I went back to rereading my book. Wait! Dean was never McGovern! Dean was Gene McCarthy! Kerry is McGovern!

Where is Hunter S. Thompson when we need him? I need him to look into his crystal bong and tell me how it’s going to end! I need him to read all my election year emails and tell me what they really mean! Help Me ObiFreaconobi, you’re our only hope!