In honor of the three different Walmarts I visited over the weekend, I am reposting this entry. Originally posted on April 25, 2003



Out Wal-sMarted


I have to bring paper plates to an office birthday party. I went to my grocery store but they must have hid them somewhere I don't frequent, like the produce section, because I couldn't find them.

Don't look at me like that. We have a Farmers Market in town and I don't have to buy corporate produce. Damn the Man.

So I still need the plates. No plate -y no cake-y and I like cake-y. So. Wal-Mart


I hate Wal-Mart. Employee exploiting, vender black mailing, and alleged destroyer of Mom and Pop enterprise, small town killing Wal-Mart. I Hate Wal-Mart.

Welcome To Wal-Mart!
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Here's a circular! Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Drop Dead. You're a thousand years old and you're wearing Jazz Shoes I don't need a circular I need a map. I need birthday themed paper plates. Just direct me to the paper plates and show me the express line, eight items or less

There is no Express Line. No one has ever made it out of a Wal-Mart with less then ten items.

Okay. No map. I'm on my own. Except for my Happy Face. Everyone is happy at Wal-Mart! Even the price tags are happy.

Where are the paper products?

Look! Cute spring outfits!

No. I don't want cute spring outfits. I really do not need cute spring outfits from Wal-Mart. I want paper plates.

Your last year's clothes are worn out and I bet they don't fit. Cute Spring Clothes!

Ya know, I think I'll stick to my sweats. Thanks

Not fitting in that they are too big! You've lost weight! Pink baby Tees!

No. Paper Plates only.

With Sparkles!

No.

Purse, you need a spring purse! Yes you do! It's a Rite of Spring!

No, awww, that's so cute. No. Wait God. Where am I? paperplatespaperplatespaperplates

Look! Film!

I don't need film. I just bought film.

On Sale!

No!

Decorative Plastic Cups!

I love decorative plastic cups! Lemme see.

Beach scenes…

I want to go to the beach; these would be so cute! And they're reduced! Okay. These and just these. No More.

Flower vases! pretty, pretty, pretty!

No, the cat has enough toys and as it is. I'm going to have to mow the carpet. Paper Plates.

Fruit Bowls!

I don't eat fruit.

Boooooks!

Stop it! I have a book. I don't need more paperbacks. I have dog manuals to read that I'm all ready not reading.

Picture Frames

Where? I need some. No, I don't. No. These are all 5x7.

Didn't you get some nice flower pictures back? Wouldn't they look nice in one of these?

No, No they wouldn't.

Table Lamps!

No. Dogger has her toys covered too. Paper Plates.

DVDs!!!! On Sale!!!

Damn You!

Pretty In Pink! The Breakfast Club! Some Kind of Wonderful!

I have them on Tape Damn It. My VCR, both my VCRs work just fine. Back Godless Yellow Demon! I don't need these cups either! Ah Ha! Paper Plates. We're grown ups I don't need Birthday Themed. Okay. Eleventyteen different kinds of paper plates. I am in disposable hell. Big plates? Plates with sections? Little tiny plates. Heavyweight, lightweight. , Made with recycled products, plastic coated, cardboard, decorative borders...

Finally decided on paper plate Varity. On the Road.

Sheet Sets! Flannel Sheets! On sale!

No. I must resist…

$12!

No! No I'm poor, I'm broke! I have plenty of sheets at home. Old, worn out last years sheets… No. I came I saw I conquered. I am on a mission. Mission accomplished!


Now that I have the smiley off my back I need the check out. Not toys not tires not paint. Where are the damn checkouts? Was that moss on that pole? North side? Up in the rafters, a sparrow, could that mean that there is a door somewhere close by? The doors are by the check out!

People I hear people! I must be close.

Oh. God. The lines are so long.

Wait in Line.
Wait in Line
Wait In Line.

Finally to the front. Price Check.

Wait
Wait
Wait

Forget why I am here.
Forget what I came for.
Forget why I am standing up.

People in crowds smell. This place smells. The muzak is deadly. I'm so glad Wal-Mart is glad it is an American.

As I leave the Wal-Mart, they check my bag to make sure I haven't stolen anything between the check out and the door.

Thank You for Shopping Wal-Mart!
Thank You for Shopping Wal-Mart
Thank You for Shopping Wal-Mart

Damned by the Man.