This Yard was his Yard, This Yard is her Yard…

While Diana is obsessing over the pros and cons of various furniture stains and how each shades may directly positively or negatively effect how the dresser see's her and thus effecting the outcome of the Rest of Her Life, Dogger and The Kitty have a sit down


The Kitty starts the meeting.

Dogger intones "...As we travel through the valley of the…"

I think we can skip the benediction- Kitty says.

" I fear no… What?" Dogger says, "I do this all the time, like under my breath. Skipping the benediction is fine, whispers "evil…"

"You cut that out!" Kitty spits

…"The Lord Is A German Shepherd, I shall fear no cats…"

Kitty says, "Did I say we were skipping the benediction? I really think I said we were skipping the benediction Dogger"

"I Pledge Allegiance…" Dogger starts

"Do you even know what the pledge is? Look at you! You can't even sit up properly and you put the wrong paw up, put your other front paw over your heart. Pathetic. Don't do it if you can't do it. I asked you here today Dogger. We have issues and they are all about you!"

"Me?! Dogger says, "I'm the problem? I'm flawless. I don't do anything!"

"Are you on drugs?!" Kitty says

"Just Frontline™ but I don't take that as much as have it apli-"

"Shut Up" Kitty snaps and then goes on,

"I don't do anything? You got into the carpet shampoo didn't you? Define Anything! You do all kinds of things. Big stinky things! You make the yard all gross. Do you know how hard it is to attract birds to a yard when you are running back and forth like some sort of demented toy? It was perfect before you go here. There was nice grass in the back yard and no fence. You suck".

Dogger is stunned,"This is about the yard? What do you think we're supposed to do in the yard? It’s the outside! And, it is not gross, it is natural. You are the gross one, litter breath."

"You don't even cover it up! are you trying to let your prey know where you are? It's about being predatory! You big dumb dummy!" Kitty said.

"I weight 100 pounds. If they don't want to see me or it, they can stay out of my yard. The yard isn't for slinking around hiding from "prey" any way; the yard is for running around. And, if any one here is a "Demented Toy", elevensies anyone? Anyone else run around for no reason? Out of nowhere? Almost daily?" says Dogger.

"I do not hide from my prey! I sneak up on it, and I do not slink around, I am being covert! And as to the other thing, shut up!" Kitty says

"Whatever.." Dogger smiles ,fhhhht.

"Did you just fart?" Kitty asks, shocked

"Yup". Dogger , smileing again

"That's disgusting!" Kitty says, still shocked

"Disgusting? it's gone in a moment, you honk out cat breath all damn day! right now for example? I'm breathing through my eyes" Dogger responds, frowning

"YOU CAN NOT BREATH WITH YOUR EYES!" Kitty responds, outraged

"Through, not with" Dogger snips, "And I can so it's a skill passed down by my retriever ancesters."

(silence)

What "prey", what have you covert-ed up on lately?" asks Dogger

"I don't have to tell you" The Kitty counters.

"Not a damn thing! Not one damn thing!" Dogger crows.

"And you are some sort of killing machine? I quake in terror!" says Kitty.

"And you should! Do you have any idea what I could do to you if I wanted to? have you seen my toys? Totally Gutted!"

"Kitty, Hissssssss!MrrrwwwwwwwrrrrrrSpit!grrrrrrr

From under the sofa Dogger says "That was completely uncalled for!".

"This is getting us nowhere. Do you want to tear apart the new magazine while I shred the phone bill?" Kitty suggests

"Bring it On!" says Dogger.