The Early Bird Gets the Free Sausage Biscuit

Chapter 2 of Adventures in Participatory Democracy


9:30 am - Eating an Elect Bob! biscuit off a red white and blue paper plate emblazoned with God Bless America!!.

So far I am the youngest person in the room and the only one in shorts, I am also the only one that saw eating on the stairs as good alternative to standing and juggling my plate and orange juice . This time we were also pressed to wear our best “Patriotic or Political wear”, there will be a contest. I’m wearing my I Marched On Washington and All I Got Was This Lousy Tee-Shirt shirt. It is the most Patriotic thing I own. Later a man thanks me for wearing it. Eventually I am joined by two women dressed for church and a man in a golf shirt. A woman shows up outfitted in a modified Uncle Sam outfit. She looks like a very tall, very thin Flag. I am still the youngest person in the room. This convention is being held in BFE and the folks out here take their politicking seriously. I see many men in flag ties. I am waiting to be kicked out.

10:00 am -I am no longer the youngest person in the room. Someone brought a toddler. I am still the youngest “Official Delegate” - damn, I’m in my thirties!

10:15 am - Stickers, stickers, stickers. Pols don’t seem to hand out pins anymore. Stickers are so ephemeral. They lack the collect - ability of pins. Trading stickers isn’t the same. Cheap bastards. I bet the GOP is all about pins.

10:20 am - The show is on the road. What a nice room! So much nicer then the first convention space. It’s a real live auditorium. Wow. Padded seats and air conditioning. I find the assigned section for my county. I am all by myself.

10:30 am - My county shows up. I also get the job of being our Official spokesmonkey. I get to stand up and announce the results from our county caucus. Woo-hoo. I am doing this because the folks that should be doing this, didn’t come. BFE strikes again. I am glad to see that the loud mouths from the last convention are not here.


Opening prayer , 20 minutes, essentially, God Bless The Democrats
Pledge - Since there is no flag in the building so we recite the pledge at the woman dressed like Uncle Sam , someone behind me asks if there is anyone from the press there.

11: 25 am - Warm Up Act.

John Edwards says “Hi”

MC - Sweet little man. Reminds me off that Louisiana story teller? Really funny He introduces speaker number 1.

Speaker number one starts speech promising a short speech. She lied.. The speaker announces they have found a way to solve the tobacco problem. This state has a hell of a lot hogs. We also have a lot of tobacco. We’re going to teach the hogs how to smoke and we’re going to sell that smoked ham to all the Yankees!, this was actually pretty funny.

Speaker Number 2 - Mostly numbers. Short version - Bush is bad.

The business section starts out with the election of something called State Party Council Of Review it, I think is where bad Democrats go. One of the loud mouths from the first convention is nominated and elected. The next order of business is electing someone to State Conventions Committee on Credentials and Appeals I don’t know what this is. We nominate a couple of people, we elect someone. I stand up and announce my counties votes. Go Me! We have the second highest number of votes, we swing results. Wheeeee! You can’t get elected if we decide we like someone else better. Phhht.

Next we nominate and elect a Presidential Elector, not a clue what this person does. He is happy he gets to do it. Go Him.

We elect delegates to the real convention in Boston. We start the Resolutions, the loud moths start to warm up. I leave. 1:30 pm.