The Kitty Diaries


Dear Diary,

Something terrible happened. I woke up from my nap and three were more dogs in the house! Not just the one but three! Big smelly, nasty, dirty, ignorant dogs. I don't know what to think. They smell like dirt and fabric softener. The feeder is paying too much attention to these new dogs. The feeder keeps locking me away, as to keep me out of sight. Out of site out of mind. I think I will pee on her pillow.

Dear Diary,

The new dogs are still here. They wander around my space and lay in the sun under my windows! How dare they! That is my sun! And those are my windows! I take my early morning nap, later morning, early afternoon, late afternoon and pre-dinner naps under those windows! No one respects the Kitty Man! That whole area is a No Dogs Allowed space. I can hear them sniffing through the vents. They still smell like dirt. Today one of them tried to lick my paw. Tomorrow it dies.

Dear Diary,

I woke up from my nap and those damn new dogs are still here. They get to spend entirely too much time in my backyard. The other dog is also spending too much time out there. I want to go outside! Every time I suggest that I should go outside too, the feeder tells me "it's too hot". Too Hot? The dogs are out there all the damn time! Running around tearing up the landscape and barking, barking, barking! I would simply lie in the grass, quietly, non-combatively; I would be a freaking postcard! They are ruining my habitat and scaring off all the birds. How am I supposed to keep in touch with my inner jaguar if they are out there scaring away my birds? They are also killing my favorite baby grass.

Dear Diary,

Today the live in dog tried to kill my lovey. My Lovey! The live in dog can't be satisfied with eating everything else in the house it has to kill my lovey as well! Evil creature. Live in dog will pay. I think I will pee in its soccer ball. Gnaw on that you big stupid thing! I almost like the new dogs better. Those nasty things don't get the opportunity to eat my lovey. The small one watched TV in my chair. It must die.

Dear Diary,

It rained all day. The dogs could not go outside and neither could I. I also couldn't go to my basement because one of them did something to it. When I went to the door the feeder wouldn't open the door because she claimed it "smelled funny" and went on to say "You don't like icky smells. Stay up here with me. We'll play with the cat dancer!" If she thinks for just one moment that I'm going to fall for this blatant attempt to distract me… she's got another thing coming. I think I'll go pee on her keyboard.

Dear Diary,

Those new dogs are still here! They show no signs of leaving and I have not seen my windows in days! I'm afraid my space will never be the same.
I was up all night! There is no end to my dissatisfaction. The feeder is not even trying to understand my feelings about the new dogs. Needless to say, something must be done, so last night I tossed her stereo off the shelf and pulled videos off the bookcase. Now I'm off to poo in her shoes.



To be continued….