Things I don't get


Why

Does my kitchen get so dirty when I rarely use it?
Do people bring their dogs to art festivals and other outdoor cultural events? are dogs interested in art? are the the last creatures on earth that like mimes?
Do women wear Fuck Me pumps to Mass?
Do people put those born again fish on their cars? Do they know their cars better then I know mine? I've never asked mine what it's religious beliefs are. What happens if all cars are Jewish?
Are there no youthful yard gnomes?
Do birds seem to pick on cats but not dogs?
Is there more grass growing in my concrete driveway healthier then the grass in my back yard? Should I drive over it more?
Are there so many personalized license plates?
Why are really, really, really tiny motor bikes so popular?
Can I not order small french fries anymore? Will they change back now that we are all fat? will fast food places boast of having really, really small sizes?
Do so many chicks have tats at the small of their backs?
Are all wedding gowns strapless?
Is George Bush still president?
Did Jimmy Fallen leave SNL?
Won't Mr. Kitty do cute things for an audience? Does he have stage fright has he brainwashed me into seeing cuteness where there is no cuteness?
Do I always remember something to add to my shopping when I'm about to fall asleep?
Are their ants all over my hose?
Is the gas at my corner $1.94 for low test? and why did it go to $1.97 over night?
If Wal-Mart can keep lowering prices why don't they start off at the lowest possible price?
Did the Weekly World News have a headline that said, "Pope wants Mel Gibson To Be His Successor"?.



Things Other People Can Do To Help Me Out

All I want is a light blue bedspread and I'm trying to find one cheap. The other bidders on Ebay need to step off.
To the posters on my favorite site - If you don’t like the show STOP WATCHING IT.
To the posters on Yahoo - No. it is not the Best Show Ever! And He is not the bestest actor ever, please do not brag about writing fanfic based on an episode that may or may not be aired. Don't brag about writing CSI-Miami fanfiction.
I've been in bed for an hour; I do not want to hear your car stereo.
I'm minding my own business; I'm not making any sound at all. Do you need to have a screaming argument to shut out the sounds of my silence? take your argument somewhere else. Like inside your house, I've heard that you can argue inside as well as outside. If you are having problems with your baby mama go on Sally Jesse like everyone else.
Read it live it learn it - Your bad scheduling is not my problem.
Angel's last episode ever is this week. Waaaaahhhhhhhhh!
I am right here. Is my office really the place to have a rather private discussion with your buddy your health problem?
Are we really discussing potatoes? Still?
I really don't care where you ate lunch. I ate at my desk.