Insert pun here


Did you see that Wal-Mart banned America – The Book? Because there are Nakid People in it! A whole page of naked elderly people. I’m shocked. They will continue to sell it online though, “different” customers they said. “Smarter Customers”, I say. People who want to pretend they are boycotting Wal-Mart if they don’t actually walk through the doors, people.

I think Wal-Mart what spooked them is that they are afraid that one of their many nonreading customers are going to pick up the book because it has a flag on it – because about half the books and almost everything else up to and including boxes of tampons that Wal-Mart sells, have some version of the flag displayed prominently on it - and some hapless nonreading Wal-Marter is going to innocently open the book and after flipping through it looking for naked people is going to see the naked body of an elderly nakid person and suddenly lose their mind! or start to question God or vote Democratic or start to shop at Whole Foods or some commie co-op instead, it might even turn them gay! And not like Mary Cheney gay, like Richard Simmons gay! You never know what might turn and impressionable young mind to liberalism and secular humanism and against neo-conservatism and bigotry. You can’t get the humor of the paper doll aspect of the naked people if you can’t read - so the books had to go.

I think that is something Wal-Mart should highlight about itself, “YouDon’t Have to Be Able to Read to Shop Here”. Most of the people I see at Wal-Mart don’t really look like readers anyway. There always seems to be a lot of people standing around looking at shiny things and being all impressed by table lamps – show them a clapper and those people will clap for hours. Show them a lamp with NSACAR and a clapper on it and they’ll haul over some sleeping bags from Sporting Goods and just clap at it all night long. Later on they’ll tell stories about how Junior got tricked by the librul media into cussing on the air and how some Communist Democrat infiltrator at NASCAR took his points away as a result. But they wouldn’t use “result” they would smack some rocks together and make guttural noises, but it would mean the same thing.

I wonder how Bill O’Reillys children’s book is doing at Wal-Mart? It would be nice to see more lefty titles on the shelves there though, as I reported a while ago they have just a handful of non-picture, non-Opra, non-Thomas Kincaid, non- rightwing books there at all and it would be nice to see ATB at Wal-mart. I did not see the title at Sam’s Club when I was there last. Michael Moore for some reason is all over both stores, I thought the right hated Michael Moore and yet I saw titles of his I didn’t know about. In the interest of total disclosure, I didn’t care for Stupid White Men and haven’t read any of his subsequent work. He doesn’t seem as preachy in his movies then he does in his books, most likely because he has a supporting cast around to blunt his screeds. In his books, it’s all him, all the time. His books come off more like tracts then a works of literature – but most lefty lit is preachy because its working so hard to preach to the choir it can hardly contain itself. PJ O’Rourke is a conservative but I have always enjoyed the majority of his stuff. He does what Moore so far has not been able to do believably, he hates everyone equally.

Don’t you think that maybe the whole celebrity children’s book thing is kind of jumped the shark now? I mean, Bill O’Reilly? Come on! Comparatively Madonna’s next Kabballah looks a whole lot less self serving now doesn’t it? Maybe Marilyn Manson should come put with a title about some freak in eyeliner with breast implants and a band and a dream...